Ego-tripping at the gates of Hell

Rock Around the Clock - Bill Haley and the Comets

2006-07-11T10:05:00.000-06:00

Music choice today has been determined by my current class, aptly named "The History of Rock." A 300-level class taught by Dr. Brewer, it seems extremely laid back and entertaining thus far. I feel a faint sense of repulsion due to the extreme saturation of 50's memorabilia and nostalgia in our culture, but that isn't the music's fault.

So, Anaheim. The drive through Colorado and Utah was quite nice, actually. We had an excellent cloud cover with occasional rain all the way through (both going and returning). Vegas traffic blew, and the Mojave is always a bitch, but those were expected. Traffic into Anaheim was slow, and locating the hotel took more effort than I would have liked, but we eventually made it to the Best Western Raffle Suites. After settling in, we wandered over to and around the Anaheim Convention Center for registration. After registering, we hung around the con center to enjoy the early cosplayers before returning to the hotel for the night.

Saturday was Day One, which consisted of dressing in costume (pictures will follow soon) and waiting in line for the AMV exhibition that night. Tori and I made a few Fatal Frame fans very happy, but we soon decided the costumes would give us heat stroke if we kept them on. So, after acquiring tickets, we went back and changed into street clothes. Regrettable, but unavoidable. The AMV's were top quality (as expected), and due to a technological error, we were treated to a kung fu dance troupe performance while the techies fixed the error.

Sunday, we went to the fabled Anime Expo Idol finalist competition. The singers were all ordinary and expected except for the champion, who was a cut above the standard pop anime singers. The voice acting competition was extremely disappointing, however. Again, none but the victor were worth noticing, but this was vexing to me. Had I known the competition was going to be so lax, I would have entered the competition myself. I'm not saying I'm professional caliber, but I could have at least offered the champion some real competition. That's what next year is for.

After AX Idol, we hit a Crispin Freeman (the esteemed voice of Alucard in Hellsing and Will Turner in Kingdom Hearts II) panel. A charming and witty individual, his panel was diseased with hordes of screaming fangirls. Fortunately, the rumors of a Hellsing OVA were confirmed with all of the original cast. w00t.

Monday was another day of waiting in line for the masquerade/costume contest that night. Unfortunately, whilst Tori and I were in line, Kayla and Lauren (our esteemed companion) witnessed a legendary event. They were returning to the con center after changing, when they witnessed a large group of people in a circle outside. What seemed like a ordinary group of otaku turned out to be a ritual circle. For what, you ask?

The summoning of Man-Faye.

Yes, the cosplay legend Man-Faye was summoned (successfully, I might add) on the stoop of AX 2006 by a crowd of devoted fans, a high priest, and an organ player. Kayla and Lauren witnessed the summoning ritual, then came back later to see Man-Faye himself in the center of the circle. They took pictures and got his autograph. Jealousy, green is thy sickly hue.

The masquerade itself was good, with Captain Planet winning the Best in Show award. Many fine costumes and many semi-fine ones paraded on the stage, and we were treated to yet another kung fu demonstration. As a result of those demonstrations, I've decided to study a weapon art, preferably kung fu, to supplement my shotokan.

Fin.

Two-Headed Boy Part II - Neutral Milk Hotel

2006-05-09T11:43:00.000-06:00

I just got my two big term papers back: A- on both, which I'm content with. I hated both of them. While working on the big one (10-12 pages on literary criticism and theory), I began seriously toying with the idea of bringing a large back of garbage in on the due date just to make a statement. I wisely chickened out. Must save the GPA until graduation for the sake of the Honors Program, which actually makes life easier. Plus, I can "enrich" my fiction workshop next semester if I'm still an Honors student.

Victoria and I will most likely be falling prey to the MMO world once again in the form of World of Warcraft. I doubt it will become quite the obsession that EverQuest was for me, mostly because I still don't have Internet access at my place. Consequently, I will still spend the majority of my summer sitting in my place playing StarOcean, Vagrant Story, and possibly maybe working on some stories. It's my goal to sell a story to Apex before the summer is out, and you can keep hounding me until it's done. Like all of you.

I need a job this summer. Because I'm poor and a Caucasian heterosexual male. Maybe I could check out the indomitable B-Nob again. Or some other bookstore.

She will feed you tomatoes and radio wires.

Jeff Mangum is amazing.

On a completely unrelated sidenote, I'm very frustrated with Kingdom Hearts II. I have Jiminy's journal 99.7% complete, but for some reason the last two tournaments I need won't initialize. I'm so frustrated I'm actually considering looking up an online FAQ, which is unheard of for me in the first six months of a game's release. But I want the special ending, and I'm at a loss for how to achieve it outside of such a dastardly course of action.

I'm 22 years old now. And a senior in college. I don't know if that makes me happy or sad.

Next semester should be fun.

Passing Afternoon - Iron and Wine

2006-04-19T13:41:00.000-06:00

So the meeting with the advisor went well. She said the honors courses wouldn't count toward my upper-division credits, but she's willing to play fast and free with fulfilling those requirements. As long as they relate to the humanities in some way, I'm good. As such, I registered for playwrighting next fall, a 400-level class with Dr. Eric Prince, the British Beckett scholar. An intimidating figure, but he's okay. If everything goes well, I'll also take intermediate and advanced acting, thus rounding out my upper-division credits admirably. We'll see how this goes, but as of right now, I'm staying in the university until graduation.

Just so you know.

Taisedou No Bosatsu - Hellsing OST

2006-04-13T08:53:00.000-06:00

I just purchased new headphones on account of my old ones losing an accidental tug-of-war with their owner and a fire hydrant. The new ones are angular and awkward-looking, like they're trying to be futuristic. The sound quality isn't affected though, so I don't care if people think I'm a space-man from Mercury. Maybe I'll get to say "weather-balloon" on TV this way.

My body is attempting to determine if it's falling ill or not. It started Monday morning, making me think I picked up a bug from Mark's lovely ice cream social/arm wrestling tournament. I'm trying to combat it with many herbs and vitamin C supplements, but such efforts seem to have only induced a stalemate. Hopefully, I can hold it off for another two days until the weekend so's I can lick it proper.

The sentence immediately preceding this one was heavily influenced by Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

After a long, convoluted journey, I have arrived at a decision gate regarding my academic career. I discovered Monday that my music minor is kaput because they won't transfer music history credits from Front Range as upper-division, and I refuse to take it at CSU on the simple principle of sanity. Three upper-division English classes + Music History for Masochistic Students = no time for work, and I must work. So I have to meet with my advisor (whom I've never met before, having just discovered her position as my advisor after meeting with the person I thought was my advisor) and attempt to assemble a coherent second field of study based on the 6 upper-division music credits I already have. If I can't, I will most likely drop out of school. I refuse to dig myself further into debt for a second minor I don't really want. Besides, it isn't like my career depends on a four-year degree, anyway. Publishers care about the quality of my work, not my schooling.

School is detrimental to my psychological well-being, anyway.

Ben's getting married in sixteen days.

Luke's having a kid.

I suddenly feel very juvenile.

Measuring Cups - Andrew Bird

2006-03-19T17:53:00.000-07:00

Seth Studer (the premarital kind for your ex-Vagrants) received a full-ride-scholarship-plus-spending-money offer from Tufts University, a prestigious Boston college. He listed the figures, and they make my brain roll around in its sac of juicy fluid; the sum of money they want to give him per year exceeds the amount I've lived off of since moving out of my parents' house at 18. It's a crazy honor, but one he deserves.

Hi, my name is Peter. I am lazy and insignificant. I have no job and an irritating amount of excess body fat. School is draining the life force out of me, and the cosmic loads of cloud diarrhea (aka snow) streaming past the window are depressing. I write poetry and prose, or at least I try. However, I find other things like complaining about school or playing WarCraft III easier and less fulfilling. I anticipate my life to take a mundane course after college. I expect to work an hourly job with a nametag pinned to my uniform for several years until my first novel sells a modest amount of copies, enough to generate some income. From there, I will devote more time to writing until I can support myself with it. Surprisingly, none of that life plan includes anything learned while in college. I'm giving time, energy, and money (aka life) to the Academy of the Undead for no reward. At least most majors get something in exchange for their souls, but my particular concentration doesn't. That sounds like the title of a Books song: "Nothing for Something."

Now I have to go workshop poems from my Intermediate Creative Writing class. Most of them suck. It's difficult to critique bad poetry because poetry is an intensely personal art. How do you say, "Um, I'm not discrediting your heartache, but you suck at expressing it"? I don't know, either.

I should finish my laundry.

Setting Sun - The Chemical Brothers

2006-02-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

Two weeks of class until spring break. Those two weeks will be a weighted uphill sprint, but the reward will compensate all energy lost.

I am the proud winner of an E-bay auction for the original Final Fantasy. ~$10 with shipping, which beats the hell out of the $50 GameForce wants for the same title. Within two hours, I may also own the NES Castlevania trilogy and StarTropics.

\/\/00+

The Good That Won't Come Out - Rilo Kiley

2006-02-14T08:38:00.000-07:00

You scored as Bebop (Cowboy Bebop). Hope you donâ??t mind being anime. Your style just fits perfect with the crew of the Bebop. Life is tough and your crew knows it, but you will find a way to survive. You always do. Now if only Faye would quit gambling all your money away.

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

88%

Serenity (Firefly)

81%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

75%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

63%

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

63%

Moya (Farscape)

63%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

56%

SG-1 (Stargate)

56%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

56%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

50%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

38%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

31%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

I had a rather bad dream last night. I was up at the House of Gyod which my parents were leasing for some reason. Some guy whose name I forget but whose office I used to clean at Stanford Real Estate came by to weightily remind my father that the loan my parents had taken out to finance my writing a musical (first time I'd heard of it) had yet to turn any profits. Dad took it in stride, but reminded me that I might want to get started on it. He also said I should move into that house and live there. I was kind of excited about the prospect, but not enough to commit. I agreed to make it an alternate house by bringing some of my clothes and toiletries over.

Scene shift: I'm doing my show on KCSU when the entire system reboots because of a power blink. Keenly aware of the dead air, I impatiently wait for the computers to come back on (the CD players had mysteriously vanished) so I could keep playing. Then out of nowhere, no less than a dozen people show up in the studio (not the station, but actually in the tiny room with me). Among them was Stefanie Berganini, the KCSU station manager. In real life, she's chill, but for some reason her presence in my dream put me under a lot more stress about the dead air. The auto-DJ came on and started playing some metal band. I scrambled for anything to play, but every CD I put in the player wanted me to input a CD key before I could play it. I woke (quite stressed and exhausted) before resolving the situation.

I think I'll go out and embarass myself by getting drunk and falling down in the street.

In real-world news, I feel like a techno-mage. I purchased enough equipment to enable Lappy to project itself onto my television screen, so you can say good-bye to PS2-Import Anime incompatibility. This means we can now watch Advent Children without any trouble.

I must needs read Michel Foucault now.

Anyone Can Play Guitar - Radiohead

2006-02-08T00:19:00.000-07:00

Balancing your checkbook has to be one of the most depressing activities known to man. Please, let me kill babies instead. I would rather spare them the pain of one day watching their finances list like a schooner running aground on a reef. Each entry marks another fathom shallower, another hole in the hull, another man overboard. My paychecks attempt to patch the leaks with felt squares held in place by cans of tuna fish.

Destiny, protect me from the world.

What makes it more depressing is the knowledge that I'm squandering my family's trust in me. This money is partially an inheritance from my grandfather's estate and partially the fund my parents set aside for my post-high school education. What am I spending it on? An education specializing in a field any talentless hack can claim as their own. I don't want to end up washing cars and selling deodorant "until I finish my novel." I don't want to end up spending night after night tinkering with half a dozen unfinished stories in my messy apartment, never finishing, never publishing. I don't want to end up remembering these as the "good ol' days," the time before everybody realized how dead-end my life is.

Have you ever seen successful men who keep in touch with unsuccessful friends?

I want to be a Stephen King/Billy Collins synthesis. Part brilliant novelist, part brilliant poet. I feel I have what it takes to achieve that goal, at least partly. There are times (occuring more frequently now than in years past) when I feel an extraordinary amount of creative energy simmering beneath my consciousness, just waiting for me to put pencil to paper (or fingers to keys) so it can boil over. I know it's enough to get me a cut above the pseudo-gothic poetry e-zines and bad fan fiction sites, but I'm not sure if it can take me where I want to go. I'm not sure if I can take me where I want to go. I don't know if I have enough courage, fortitude, and discipline.

I got a head full of ideas that are drivin' me insane.

So here I am. I feel like I'm at a crossroads (brilliant cliche, O aspiring writer). I can choose to dedicate myself intensely and unequivocally to my work, or I can choose to slack off, spend my "writing" time dicking around online or playing some video game for the umpteenth time. What I choose now, when the pressures of school are high, will determine my dedication when those pressures are gone. I need to develop a habit of sitting down and writing at least once a day, but my schedule is so chaotic I can't set aside a specific time.

If you fudge this, you'll fudge every battle for the rest of your life.

What if I'm wrong, though? What if I really don't have what it takes to actually make a career out of my writing? I could spend my whole life trying to sell one novel or one book of poetry without any success at all. I would stand before the White Throne with no answer when God asks, "What did you do with the investment of talents I gave you?" I'll just stare at my reflection in the polished gold floor and wonder if Purgatory is really as bad as they say.

You wasted life. Why wouldn't you waste death?

I Used to Hate Cell Phones but Now I Hate Car Accidents - Norma Jean

2006-02-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

I'm taking Principles of Literary Criticism this semester, and I feel extremely out of place. Most of my classmates fall on the right or the left regarding the literary canon, what should be taught, et al. I fall cleanly outside the spectrum because I believe literature, just like music and painting, is primarily an art form and should be judged thusly. Unfortunately, apathy doesn't make grades, so I have to read a bunch of e-reserve texts I don't give a shit about. Worse, I have to print them out and bring them to class for "discussion," but my printer still isn't operational (I need a USB cable), so my finances are suffering the Death of a Thousand Papercuts at $0.12/page. Fuck academic pretension.

The rest of my classes are okay, though. Intermediate Creative Writing is a lot of fun, and there are some people from my E210 class in my section. Music Theory II is more of the same, but the instructor is more interesting and lenient than Dr. King, so that's good. Intro to Poetry and Intro to American Lit are exactly what I expected from 200-level lit courses. Overall, I think this semester should maintain an even keel. Especially once the job is out of the way.

I received a call from a director wanting to cast me in a scene from a Tennessee Williams play. I'm meeting him and the other cast members tonight for a read-through.

Food is money.

Roads - Portishead

2006-01-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

I have much to do of the reporting aspect to keep you, my ever-loyal Blogger audience, up-to-date on my anamorphic life.

First off, I am thoroughly enjoying the power Lappy has bestowed upon me. I'm quickly updating and expanding my mp3 collection (all legally, dear Ethan, so fret not), I have organized my poetry and prose in preparation for submission, and I get to tout my 1337 indie-ness with the bold LAC on Lappy's monitor. Also, its extreme portability gives me the ease of working on my writing from the comfort of anywhere (except in my two classes with Professor Goodman, who is something of a technophobe).

Secondly, I grow ever more frustrated at the American norm for activity. The volume of work which accompanies a semester of upper-division English courses has severely taxed my energy reserves, sapping much of the ambition and vitality I accumulated over the break. I feel spiritually weary when I consider the long semester ahead and the ones beyond that before I graduate. And for what? To begin a career I could just as easily begin now without the hassle? I know, I know, a BA in something means you're worth something to employers, but fuck employers. My employers will be editors and publishers, and they won't care much what my credentials are as long as I can write well.

This frustration is compounded by the shafting I'm receiving at the hands of Night & Day. When I applied, Marc told me I'd be getting $375/month for >10 hours of work per week. A sweet deal, but he must have decided to throw some rotting soybeans into my cake batter before he baked it. Now, I'm making $325/month for ~11.25 hours/week. In addition, the job hazards since switching to the NWRC have increased. For example, I discovered that flourescent lightbulbs explode under minimal impact when I disposed of some last night. The act of tossing them into the dumpster caused glass shards to fly out of the container. This is just one of the many occupational hazards I deal with. I'm sure OSHA would have a field day with that place if it wasn't a government facility. More work + increased hazard + less pay = unhappy situation. Plus, the job is also eating into my homework/writing time. I don't know if I'll be able to keep it while devoting as much time as I need to classes and writing.

Speaking of writing, I've started work on my first novel, a project entitled Black Bride. It's a ghost story inspired partly by Tim Burton's Corpse Bride and Victoria's MySpace pictures. I've also started working on a short story called How to Enjoy a Friend, which will be a satire on literary criticism and scholarship.

I'm auditioning for the Directing II students in an hour. Freelance theatre work and I get along splendidly, and directing students are usually much more lax than professional directors. They're just happy to have people to work with. Plus, I like hanging out with theatre people; they're fun and unpredictable.

That's enough for now, I think. Long posts make long delays, as the proverb says.

Forever Broke - Cowboy Bebop OST

2006-01-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

A haiku:

Begone, ye useful
Days I once professed to love.
My lappy is here.

I'm hungry.

Sing Once for Me - Joy Electric

2006-01-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

Lappy will arrive tomorrow. One more miniscule delay, but it might actually work out for the best, anyway. That way, I won't be distracted from class trying to program it, but will have the weekend (minus Saturday) instead.

I'll write about school later. I need to go get my head examined. Like for real.

Each Coming Night - Iron and Wine

2006-01-04T18:52:00.000-07:00

My order with LACLinux has been reissued, I guess. My query apparently came across as a request, but that's cool. One less step for them to get confused. Maybe I'll actually have a lappy before spring break.

I'm at the Alley Cat right now, sipping a well-made hot chocolate and preparing to settle into a corner for some reading of Dune. It should be a good night. Maybe I'll call some people later to initiate hang-outage. But not until the hot chocolate has become lukewarm inside-me chocolate.

Tiny Cities Made of Ashes - Sun Kil Moon

2006-01-04T03:10:00.000-07:00

I really like this song.

I e-mailed LACLinux because their website says they're not closed anymore. I'd still prefer getting a lappy from them, as they have better stuffs. Of course, the irony of this is: had I not cancelled the order, I might have my lappy by now, as I don't know how long they've been reopened. Meh.

This week has been unexpectedly relaxed due to the government not returning my background check to my employers. I can't start in the new building until Big Brother says I'm clean, so I'm treading water (read: losing money) for now. The employer persons said the new location will get me more hours, but I don't think I like that. Hours x Salary = ++Hours x Salary.

I'm sort of disappointed with myself. I wanted to use this break to start writing stuff, but so far all I've produced is a 25-line poem. I suppose I'm just afraid to start because I think it will suck or something. Stephen King said the scariest part is always right before you start. Overcoming that fear still hasn't become second nature to me. Maybe it never will. I mean, it still plagues him after 30+ years of writing bestsellers.

He seems like a nice guy. I'd like to meet him someday.

He says the key to good writing is to write a lot and read a lot. I read a lot, but I don't write a lot. That's my problem. Too much not writing.

Ry, I want you to read my poem when you're sober.

Explanation Mark - The Books

2005-12-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

I ended up cancelling my order for Lappy. The LACLinux people didn't reply to my query sent a week ago regarding my order status, so I figured they have more important things to worry about. I'm rather disheartened by this, as it's now highly unlikely I'll get a lappy before next semester starts, but c'est la vie.

Work is okay. Not great, but not miserable.

Oh, I added a few more links in the "Amusements" column. I enjoy those webcomics and thought you might, too.

My short story is 99% completed. I have to read through it again before I give it the final OK, but I think it turned out well. Now that break is just around the corner, it's time to focus on writing more stuff. Stuff for myself.

But first things first: finish fiction portfolio, take finals, write "Yolteotl" poem for seminar, vegitate.

This break should be fun, I think. My love-hate relationship with Christmas fell on the "love" side this year, which is nice. The past few holiday seasons landed on "hate."

Of course, walking on broken glass isn't good for anyone.

Lover's Lie - Veda

2005-12-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

It's official, kids: The Chillout Sessions are a part of KCSU's Spring 2006 schedule. I didn't get the ideal time slot, but Sunday nights from 11:00-1:00 still suit me quite well. For those of you ignorant of the show plan, the Sessions will involve the best in folk, alt country, and downtempo. People at the station are actually excited about it, mostly because Damien Rice will be involved. I'm meeting with Nick on Thursday to get my promo productions lined up. Patrick, you should train as a DJ so you can co-host. w00+!

Four days of classes, but I've a lot to do for them. A keyboard final tomorrow, a 1500-word research paper on Hamlet's father on Wednesday, a sightsinging final on Thursday, a writing workshop Thursday, a writing workshop Friday, and now work. I trained with Night and Day yesterday and am officially in charge of floor II of the Wells Fargo building. After a month of unemployment, it will prove slightly difficult remembering to go in.

Finals week should be easier.

I think I want pizza for lunch, but I must first appease the parking gods with an offering. See you all at the other end of the week.

Brain Damage - Pink Floyd

2005-11-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

A response from LACLinux tells me they're trying to complete orders received prior to the closing, but the process of buying from their laptop hardware provider is "stalled." That said, he said to expect anywhere from two to four weeks for completion and shipping. Factor in the holidays and my thrice-cursed luck, and I might have a new laptop by the beginning of next semester. I'm not sure if I should reply with a request for compensation or not.

Enough of that. I wrote 1,100 words today, bringing my short story nearer completion. I must have it finished by the 29th, as I'm doing an early workshop with a girl from class who's leaving for Kathmandu on the 1st. Some of us like quiet holidays, but it seems she's not one to pass up the opportunity to approach Everest with David Breashears and an IMAX team. Nor would I, I suppose. Even if it did mean training and whatnot. Sherpas kick ass.

I still must write the script for my presentation on the 1st. Then I must record it, hopefully with the help of Pursuit Studios.

With a little luck and some audition skill, I'll have my very own specialty show on KCSU next semester. The show will be called "The Study Hall" and will feature a smorgasboard of folk, alt country, and downtempo. My ideal time slot is Thursday nigthts from 11:00 - 1:00, but we'll see. I still need to write that essay on why it will benefit KCSU, who would listen, etc. I'll try to keep the sarcasm to a minimum.

Pipe smoking is difficult. I need more practice before I can actually get the pipe to stay lit for more than twenty seconds.

My beard is scraggly and weaksauce.

soRrow - Fold Zandura

2005-11-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

Writing is fun but difficult. I find it similar to acting in that I have to acquire a certain mindset before working on a particular scene. Music helps greatly in this, but sometimes even it can't overcome preset emotions.

For example, I'm trying to write a scene about a young man in a hospital trying to understand that his girlfriend was killed in the same accident that hospitalized him. When I showed up here (I'm at my parents' house), I was ready to go. However, a quick check on the LACLinux people completely messed me up.

They are closed for corporate restructuring.

They're not taking new orders or providing direct customer service. I don't know if this means they've stopped working on current orders, but I wouldn't be surprised if it does. It would explain why my lappy still hasn't become a nice little parcel for the UPS to deliever to me.

Fucking A.

I'm sure some of you think I'm overreacting. After all, it's just a laptop. Please remember, though, that this laptop means the reintroduction of a functioning computer to my house, which has the following ramifications: 1) a working printer, 2) a reliable workstation for my writing, 3) the return of t3h 1nt3Rn3t, and 4) the end of floppy disk ruination.

So now I have to write a sorrowful restructuring of my character's life when I really feel like an in-depth coverage of particularly heinous torture methods.

Hindslight - DJ Shadow

2005-11-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

I might be getting my poetry portfolio back today.

I gave a persuasive speech on the historicity and authenticity of Jesus Christ today in my seminar. I think it went well. We avoided Christian-ese so we wouldn't bore our audience to repentence. Instead, we just stated the evidences (Josephus and Eusebius) and arguments (C.S. Lewis). Jeff Johnson's new age music gave us a multi-media edge.

The CSUPD received a front-page article in yesterday's Collegian for trying to "diversify" their squad. At CSU, we want a well-rounded squad of pricks, not just white males.

I feel a change coming over me. Methinks finding out what I'm supposed to do sparked a engine in me. It hasn't even fully warmed up, though, so I don't know what it will do or mean when it finally does.

Check out my new links. Especially the Monster Engine. This guy takes children's drawings and paints them realistically. I find it quite interesting.

Size Too Small - Sufjan Stevens

2005-11-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

I shall now empty an entire clip of news at you.

-I just finished basic production training at KCSU.
-I am officially unemployed.
-My parents left the country.
-My brother tells me my Japanese is very formal.
-I have a tentative idea for my short story.
-Ben Emslie is marrying Charity Sturgeon on April 30th, 2006.
-He asked me to be his best man.
-I can't wrap my head around the idea of being a best man.
-This semester has less than 20 days of life left.

I shall now abandon your bleeding body to the dangers of the Internet.

Organized Beyond Recognition - Norma Jean

2005-11-04T14:05:00.000-07:00

I received a reply from the lappy people:

"Unfortunately there will be a delay with this order, we've just found
out that the LUCGM2 is being updated, and the manufacturer will not send
us any more. The new unit will be available in a few days, and we will
begin shipping them in 10-11 days. They support newer Pentium M CPUs,
dual channel DDR2 RAM, serial ATA hard drives, and the rest of the specs
are the same. Everyone with an existing LUCGM2 order will get one of
these instead unless they choose to cancel their order.

We're sorry to make this change so late in the order process, please let
us know if the improved unit will be acceptable. And accept our
apologies for the delay."

I guess I'm happy about the improved specs, but it's still irritating. The god of customer service must hate me. Maybe I'll appease him by writing him into a novel.

I want my lappy.

Pudding Time - Primus

2005-11-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

Victoria and I double-dated with her friend Courtney and her boyfriend Matt last night. It was Courtney's 18th birthday, so her parents decided to finance a night out on the town. We met at the Canton Hibachi at 5:00 for eats. First experience for all of us, and awkwardness bloomed when our cook turned out to be a former classmate of Tori and Courtney's. The food was excellent, though, and the cook was very entertaining, so no complaints. I also ordered pineapple juice to drink, something I've seen no other restaurant offer. It may not be the "correct" thing to order with steak, but meh.

After dinner, Tony the chauffer showed up with a nice white limousine. He said he came courtesy of Courtney's mother to take us around for a few hours. No complaints there, but first we had to return (in limo) to Courtney's house to give her siblings a chance to cruise for a little while. I met Courtney's cat during this interim, and it was instant affection on both sides.

The siblings returned from their joyous but brief life of luxury, and we told Tony (who had an excellent Chicago accent) to take us to Old Town. We cruised around for a little while before my bowels declared war on me. Finding a public bathroom in Old Town is no easy feat, especially if one has three other individuals and a limousine to consider. Nonetheless, I persevered and prevailed, finding the bathroom in the Old Town Weight Room quite satisfactory.

Upon returning to the Canton Palace Hibachi, we retrieved our vehicles and moseyed over to Blockbuster seeking entertainment. We picked The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and the Memories anime shorts. Unfortunately, time only permitted the watching of Douglas Adams' masterpiece. Then Victoria took me home.

All in all, a good night.

The Predatory Wasp - Sufjan Stevens

2005-10-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

I like giant pretzels with nacho cheese.

The emotional ailment of yesterpost seems to have dissipated only to be replaced by odd little headaches. They're not overly painful, just slightly distracting. They usually center in one eye socket, making me think they're mild migraines. I'm thinking of getting my head examined, but that probably won't happen for several weeks if it does at all.

My last day at Spring Creek is this Sunday. It feels marvelous to know I will no longer be greeted by an army of wheelchairs and the smell of human feces when I arrive at work. I checked in at B&N again, and the manager on duty said she'd find out what happened to my application. I hope my $8.00/hr requested wage doesn't preclude my employment.

I really like writing. All kinds (well, maybe not research papers and formulative essays). It feels great to know you've written something that other people enjoy. My first short short for class earned laughs from multiple readers and a high-five from one. Apparently comparing women to bathroom stalls is good literature.

The Steward of Gondor - Howard Shore

2005-10-25T13:40:00.000-06:00

So lately I've been feeling sick, and I don't know why.

Not sick as in viral or bacterial infectious stuff, but like poisoned-heart sick. I carry this punched-in-the-gut feeling around with me sometimes, and it messes with my head. Granted, this isn't always the case, but it seems to strike most often at school and at work.

Am I in a rut? Am I afraid of something(s)? Yes. But that's nothing new. Now more than ever, I've no reason to feel like this. I've an amazing girlfriend, a major I love (yes, you read that right), and something that looks like it may form into a promising career.

Yet, through all of it, I don't feel right. I don't feel like myself. Perhaps, like Ender Wiggin, I defined myself through my pain for too long. Now that it's gone, I feel incomplete. But then, what is this new feeling if not pain? Yes, it's pain, but of a different kind.

No call from Barnes & Noble yet. Looks like I might be unemployed for awhile. It might actually do me some good.

Purge you, Animose.

Air Castles - Virus

2005-10-20T11:20:00.000-06:00

I bring you good tidings of frustrating joy: Erico has finally given me a straight answer regarding their hostage. Apparently, Piaggio discontinued the LT50 series, so the part I require doesn't exist. As such, I have two options: 1) Wait 6-8 months for the Romans to manufacture and ship a headlight faring, or 2) have Erico fit a nonstandard faring on the bike. However, with the nonstandard faring comes another issue: the new faring would interfere with the front turn signals. Don't ask me how; it just will. Now, I can either choose to forfeit the signals and get my bike back sooner, or I can have them retrofit new blinkers at the cost of more time.

Spell it with me, kids. L-U-D-I-C-R-O-U-S.

I've had to kick some rather large scholastic asses around this week: 4 papers, a poetry portfolio, and the usual smattering of busywork. Fortunately, I have only one paper remaining, and it's a measly two-pager on a classical composer outside the Big Three (Mozart, Beethoven, and Haydn for the uncultured). I'm thinking of doing Daniel Turk. I suppose I should decide, as it's due tomorrow.

I aim to terminate my employment with Spring Creek forthwith. I know, I just got the job, but working there made me realize a few things. First, all nursing home work is the same. Sprink Creek's higher level of incompetence is the only difference. Second, nursing homes are a terrible idea. The people in them have no hope of leaving; they're there to die. It's just a condescending attempt by our society to make these people believe we still value them. Sure, I'm sure their children (through love or guilt) are glad they're still alive, but there's no escaping the plain truth: it's a death house. Third, the shockingly young age of some of the residents disturbs me. We just got a new girl who looks several years shy of sweet sixteen. That's just not natural.

As such, I'm applying to good ol' Barnes and Noble. They seek holiday help, but hopefully my stunning good looks and animal magnetism will land me a permanent place. If not, I'll coast for awhile. Employment's a bitch, anyway.

Rejoice: Shadow of the Colossus shall occupy my weekend.

Shadow Stabbing - Cake

2005-10-10T10:10:00.000-06:00

Sweet Jesus Christ on His heavenly throne. On Writing is changing my life.

The Cat, the Crow, and the Snake - The Billy Nayer Show

2005-10-03T11:12:00.000-06:00

BNS is excellent live. They're fun and funny and full of energy. Their set was disappointingly short, but they played a lot of new songs which will appear on their next CD. Cory said it would be out in about six months. Cory McAbee is the nicest man alive. I shook his hand and got his signature and bantered with him. He was wearing a blue suit with a black shirt. I've never seen anybody rock out on an autoharp quite like him. The bassist looked like a hobo, and Bobby Lurie was normally dressed (jeans and a T-shirt). Sleepytime Gorilla Museum was weird post-goth stuff with a man in a thong hanging upside-down from the ceiling. Very skilled musicians, but I'm not sure I'd call myself a fan.

I also bought a DVD containing the first short films BNS made.

Saturday night, Victoria and I went to the Rialto Theater in Loveland to hear Billy Collins (U.S. poet laureate 2001-2003) read his poetry. His voice sounded like Kevin Spacey, so the experience was rather surreal. The poems themselves were quite funny and very well-written. I purchased two of his books and got him to sign one, which was neat. I like his style quite a bit, and my style may change significantly as a result of hearing him read. One of those moments critics will look back on and say, "There is where his style changed." Maybe, anyway. I doubt critics will care enough about my work to say things of that nature.

I submitted my entries for the scholarship contest. If I don't win anything, I will inevitably conclude my work is worthless and wallow in self-pity for awhile. Afterward, I will most likely change majors to theatre until I get rejected at an audition. Then, on to accounting!

Passing Afternoon - Iron & Wine

2005-09-28T11:20:00.001-06:00

I saw a flyer for another show at the Starlight featuring (among other bands) Guns 'n Rosa Parks and Noncompliant. From what I've heard, Noncompliant is a really good old school punk band, but that's tangential to the point of this paragraph. The point is this: why is the scene around here so post-punk numetal? What do these greasy little suburbanites have to be angsty about? From a detached perspective, you'd expect the scene to be more folk-oriented since FoCo is still stuck in the small-town mindset. Maybe that's what they're rebelling against. They're gonna show the Fort they reject their conservative upbringing by listening to bad music and not showering. Smoke and stale Doritos will dominate the future.

I've decided to enter the Creative Writing Scholarship Competition this semester. My writing teacher (who is the MFA consultant on the scholarship review board) thinks I've a pretty good shot at it. I'm meeting with her tomorrow to review my portfolio and decide which pieces best represent my work. I wrote a piece for E 210 which caught her attention, and she strongly recommends I submit it.

I called Erico again regarding my scooter, and they told me they're waiting for Piaggio headquarters to give them a definite answer. Running total of weeks they've had my bike: 9.5. 9.5 weeks = ridiculous.

Okay. You can all go home now.

Amie - Damien Rice

2005-09-20T02:31:00.000-06:00

An observation:

I love Victoria so much it feels as though my ribcage will implode. Breathing is difficult, and each breath only makes the next more difficult.

This is remarkably similar to the crushing depression which dogged my spirit for so many years. Then, my breaths felt like existing. Now, they feel like dying.

Dying because I don't know how to bear this much beauty and still remain human. My eyes will pop like grapes and run down my cheeks. My eardrums will swell until they break their delicate frames. My nose will turn as big and red as a clown's. My lips will overflow their banks and flood my neck and chin with red wine. My hands will dissolve into a mist too fine to see. My heart will explode like an overripe grapefruit struck by a baseball bat.

Then I will fold in on myself, becoming smaller and smaller beneath the pressure of it all until I'm nothing more than a marble of pure devotion for her to carry in her pocket.

Statuesque

2005-09-19T10:49:00.000-06:00

You make me
Feel an infant's ease
Climbing your red-tipped trees.
You condemn
The sky for its size,
The moon for her light,
The rain for your windowpanes.

Black-veined stains
On my neck, in my hair.
Blood breaks
The surface where
Your breath freezes,
Painting their pages
With sweet disdain.

Hammer and chisel
Pound into your eyes.
You
Are
Not
Im
Mor
Tal.

And I am
Not your better.

John Wayne Gacy, Jr. - Sufjan Stevens

2005-09-14T19:42:00.000-06:00

This man has made my life difficult through no fault of his own. Read the post (especially number four) to understand the prompting behind this entry.

"How sad is the poet who should have been a king." What of the king who desires the poet's gift? Is he sentenced to an unfulfilling life because his passion and his genius do not lie together? Emerson would say our individual genius cannot be altered, so it remains to change one's passion. How can this be done? Is it even possible? If I discover my genius in housekeeping, can I really conceive and nuture a passion for it?

Moreover, where does one discover their genius? I can say with no arrogance that I have excelled in school, receiving high marks in every subject I studied. I don't believe this indicates my genius is so widespread, but that I simply understand how the academic system works and can use it to my advantage. I've been counselled to "find the one thing I cannot live without and pursue it," but Holstein would argue against it. We cannot live without our passion, not our genius. If my genius were in mathematics, I could live without majoring in math. But then I would be condemned to a mediocre existence in any other field. Yes, I could get high marks in English and graduate with the honors noose around my neck, but "[my] poetry will all turn to dust, [I] will be forgotten where others are remembered." Moreover, I would have missed my destiny in the field of mathematics, leaving a void where my contributions should have been.

I don't hold quite so Calvinistic a viewpoint as I did five years ago, but I still believe we are created with certain gifts meant to be used toward a purpose. Are we then required to cast aside happiness in favor of this duty should the two conflict? Would God create such a rift in His children, or is this bitter fork of our own making?

Enough questions.

Crystal Frontier - Calexico

2005-09-11T21:39:00.000-06:00

Word from D-town is that the long-awaited handlebar faring for my scooter has finally arrived, so hopefully I'll have my hog back before the week is out. Unfortunately, I have my doubts. When the part came in, the guys at Erico called me as expected. However, the following conversation was unexpected:

PETER: Hello?
ERICO: Is Peter available?
PETER: This is him.
ERICO: Hi, Peter. This is [Captain Intelligent] at Erico Motorsports. We received a Vespa headlight cover for you today.
PETER: Yes.
ERICO: What do you want us to do with it?
PETER: (small pause) It goes to my Piaggio LT-50 which you guys have down there, so you should put it on.
ERICO: Oh, okay. We'll get that on for you and call you back either today or Tuesday.
PETER: Great, thanks.
FATES: Hahahahahaha.

My two main concerns: 1) they didn't know what to do with the part despite their having my bike for six weeks, and 2) he said Vespa, not Piaggio. Same company, different models. I hope it's the right part.

Following the advice of Mac North, I'm finally getting a new laptop. Huttah for the OpenSource movement, even if it is completely over my head.

Just now, a sip of Gatorade nearly ended my life.

So I've been writing quite a few poems for my creative writing class, but I'm not sure if I want to post them. They're not my best, and they're prompted, not inspired. Maybe I'll post some of the better ones.

Mundane routines suck. Down with work and school.

I hope you all enjoyed my show last night. The music selection made me sleepy, but I thought the set went well. I hate how the station ID's and bumps broke the mood, but not much can be done about that.

Yes.

Not That Simple - Dredg

2005-09-02T14:04:00.000-06:00

So I'm in.

The test was absurdly simple. A handful of multiple choice and short answer questions, and a brief identify-the-manager section. Afterward, I had an on-air test that lasted all of two minutes, then Baker gave the okay. DJ Yorick is now on rotation at KCSU Fort Collins. My show is Sundays 2:00 - 4:00 AM, so think late Saturday night if you're planning to listen in. I'll throw on some good music, and we'll have ourselves a nice little radio party. If you call in, I might just get your voice on the air, complete with editing to make you sound silly.

Wow, I'm actually a radio DJ. That's mo-uppin' crazy.

\/\/3R|).

Lateralus - Tool

2005-09-02T08:47:00.000-06:00

I have Music Appreciation in 14 minutes.

I will be reading Richard III during class.

Today at 1:10 PM, I have my DJ exam.

By 1:30 PM, I will know if I possess enough talent, wit, and retention to be a KCSU DJ.

This entry format has been brought to you in part by Jonathan Downtempo.

Roads - Portishead

2005-08-26T13:20:00.000-06:00

Checking in with the self-obligatory End of Week I report.

My classes shouldn't be all that hard this semester, just time-consuming. This is a problem considering I also have a job, a girlfriend, a social circle, and a promising new career with KCSU. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I attended DJ training last night and have my newbie show Sunday at 10:00PM. You all should listen in because then you can laugh with each other at the oddity of hearing my voice stumble over words on live radio. For you extra-FoCo peeble, you can stream the show via KCSU online. Just remember to correct your time cart. I'm thinking of using Yorick as my radio name (after the dead jester in Hamlet V.i for you non-literary types). I was considering Orpheous (the Greek god of music), but Yorick is less of a tongue exercise. Plus, I'm sure DJ Orpheous has been used before. Ready thyself, Horatio, for DJ Yorick!

According to some person on MySpace, the Death Cab for Cutie show is happening the night after the Coheed/Dredg/mwY/Blood Brothers show. Better yet, the 7th and 8th are Friday and Saturday nights. Also, he claims Every Time I Die is coming with The Chariot on Oct. 1, which is the night after BNS. Here's to being show-drunk. You people with at-home cable should verify these show times.

Now I return home to partake in Fruity Pebbles.

End Over End - Foo Fighters

2005-08-21T22:47:00.000-06:00

So my new job is okay, but today I discovered a major downside: the dietary manager apparently has a penchant for bringing her daughter in with her. This particular daughter is no older than 12, has a raging Dauphin complex, and merits her own special trough in Yubaba's pig pen. I dislike children as a rule, but it's always nice to receive first-hand reinforcement of one's convictions. Her presence makes everyone on staff unhappy and cranky, so tonight's work environment was a vacuum of positive energy. And I had indigestion.

This past week has been devoted to my actually moving in to my apartment. My parents and I both had a few days wide open, so I got all the junk I've kept at their house over to mine. I've also rearranged and cleaned, so you people won't recognize it when you come over next. Well, you will, but you'll be surprised at the increase in cosmetic appeal.

I finished both Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close this week as well. Zen's attack on Aristotelian logic was unexpectedly vengeful and left me reeling, but I've started to digest Pirsig's Sophism. ELAIC was amazing, but not jaw-dropping like The Dark Tower or the Ender's Game quartet. At times, it seemed Foer was almost looking for ways to be profound instead of letting them come naturally. Also, Oskar's disjointed knowledge base was somewhat frustrating. He had far more knowledge than any literal nine-year-old, so the natural holes in it were frustrating. Still, a very good book, and I'm certainly none the worse for reading it. I'm already 100 pages into A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers, but I expect my progress will slow with the advent of school.

School. I have my first class in 9.5 hours. Music Theory, followed immediately by Music Appreciation. Shakespeare will round out the day. I'm fairly excited about my classes this fall, mainly Creative Writing and Creative Seminar. I want to see what I'm capable of.

Now for it, friends.

Bar Chords on an Out-of-Tune Guitar - Patrick Hollen

2005-08-12T04:33:00.000-06:00

People tell me I'm smart on a fairly regular basis. Especially people I don't know very well. It usually comes after I mention some obscure, useless fact filed away in my cerebral archive. I guess I know a lot about a lot of things. I guess that equals "smart."

But I don't want to be smart. I want to be brilliant.

Brilliant like Mark Twain. Brilliant like C.S. Lewis. I want to improve the lives of people I've never met. I want to create works replete with Robert Pirsig's Quality. I want to pose ideas and perspectives that will spark other thoughts and perspectives. I want to have the respect of people I respect. I want people to look at my life's work and say it meant something.

I guess I'm just afraid I'm a self-deceived poseur. That I should really be doing some mundane, ordinary job but am too afraid to admit it.

Sometimes, I really hate this multiple choice future.

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - The Postal Service

2005-08-10T13:55:00.000-06:00

So I was asked yesterday if I am happy. Happy with my life, happy with my direction, et al. I answered, "Yes, for the most part. I am." An honest reply, and I thought the inquisitor was posing the question of her own volition.

As it turns out, Melissa was the one really asking the question.

Maybe I shouldn't be getting so upset about this, but I don't think she deserves that answer. Yes, I am happy, but not because she "set me free to find the love of my life." That decision, while painful, wasn't what really did me in. It was her conscious betrayal not only of my trust but of my being. The resulting pain and confusion led to some bad decisions on my part (namely the whole fiasco with Kara). I don't blame her for my role in making those choices, but had she simply been honest with me, I would have been much more clear-headed this past winter.

But enough of that.

Good news: I've finally found some courses to fill the three credits I'm missing from percussion studio: Music Appreciation and Shakespeare I. Oddly enough, this makes me feel much more at ease about the transition. I guess it just makes me secure that I won't be wasting a semester by taking fewer credits than I'm capable of handling, especially since I'm already so far behind. The e-mail to Eric telling him of my withdrawal has been sent and the pertinent classes have been dropped. With the class change, I'll actually be taking 18 credits, but I have some catching up to do. All that remains is a mosey on down to the administration annex and request yet another major/minor change form.

R4wk!

A Good Man Is Hard to Find - Sufjan Stevens

2005-08-07T20:52:00.000-06:00

I love sunsets.

Regarding my previous post, I've decided that I can't devote my life to petty squabbles.

I think I'm at a good place in my life right now, which scares me immensely. As Ender Wiggin once said, "I've lived so long with pain, I wouldn't know who I am without it." Not that my life has suddenly become perfected simply because Victoria is now a key player, mind you. Even if she's been a great source of joy and peace, there are other things going right independently of her. Getting rid of the immense burden that was my Music Composition major is one of those things. The mistake I made cost me a semester, but at least I know I'm not cut out for the classical music world. We'll see how this semester goes, but perhaps English is where I should've been all along.

Anyway, with that, Victoria, a steady job, great friends, my own place...yeah, it scares me. I feel like it's a house of cards, just waiting for the tiniest of breaths to blow it away. Unfortunately, past experience has made me wary of good things.

A Little Longing Goes Away - The Books

2005-08-03T20:25:00.000-06:00

I feel exceedingly strange right now.

The e-mail to Eric Hollenbeck informing him of my decision to leave the percussion studio has yet to be written and sent. I'm hesitant for reasons that aren't entirely clear. My reasoning is sound, it's not like he'll miss me, and it needs to be done. I guess I just hate closing doors because I'm so indecisive. Maybe the lack of a suitable class to fill the three missing credits is causing some of the delay. Irrational, I know, but "it's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

.......

Despite all appearences of nonchalance, I can't shake this pathological drive to impress people. This is compounded to the nth degree by certain people I maintain regular contact with. Well, a certain person. A person who seemingly stops at nothing to inflate his ego by using my humanity as a foot-operated pump. I am fully aware of his own insecurities but somehow am unable to bypass his animosity. Suffice to say, I feel exceedingly shitty in his presence. I'm constantly on edge, knowing any and every mistake I make will be inflamed to the stoking of his self-satisfaction. It's not any of you readers (unless he somehow got the URL from a FoCo resident). As far as I know, he doesn't even have a Blogger identity. I'm sure he'd accuse me of being whiny and butt-hurt should he read this, but I find such self-ignorant arrogance abhorrent.

My feet are cold.

Skinny - Filter

2005-07-28T19:50:00.000-06:00

the Cutting Edge
(56% dark, 52% spontaneous, 22% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK

Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's
something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making
people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't in and
of themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery,
or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to
appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person
dancing.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 48% on dark
You scored higher than 66% on spontaneous
You scored higher than 20% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Ticket for Sufjan Stevens purchased. Excellence shall ensue.

It may seem early to some of you, but I'd like to officially announce that I'm completely in love with Victoria.

That is all.

Close to Me - The Cure

2005-07-25T14:48:00.000-06:00

Good news: I finally took my Piaggio down to Erico Motorsports for maintenance. I should be getting it back either tomorrow or Wednesday, so +3h (Rui$$0RR3N can resume in full force.

Sorry I haven't seen much of you guys lately, but I'm still new to the whole girlfriend thing. After all, the last girlfriend I had who lived in-state and stuck around longer than two weeks was Susie, so I'm a bit rusty when it comes to balancing my time shares. Fear not, however: you are not forgotten. It's all about the love, and while I may be coping with a new love in my life, I still love you all just as much.

**We interrupt this blog entry to bring you news of the utmost stokage: The Billy Nayer Show (BNS) will be performing at the Larimer Lounge in Denver, CO on September 30, 2005. The concert is scheduled to begin at 8:30. You may begin to express your excitement however you choose. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.**

Our dearly beloved Andrew Horton has announced his intentions of abandoning the Vagrant Cafe for good, which I find both pleasant and amusing. After years of his hypocritical prickism, perhaps the Cafe can rediscover the quiet charm which drew me there in the first place.

Things Behind the Sun - Nick Drake

2005-07-18T02:15:00.000-06:00

You are Poetry.
You are often the most emotional of the arts. You
are introverted, in that you tend to let people
come to you rather than trying to get their
attention. You get along well with Music and
Literature.

What form of art are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party.
What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves.
What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.

What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Both stolen from Seth's LiveJournal, who (oddly enough) had the same results. Then, because it's late and I'm bored:

7 Types of Intelligence - Which is yours?
brought to you by Quizilla

Okay, time for sleep. Well, time to drive home and watch a few more episodes of Cowboy Bebop because I got it and Neon Genesis Evangelion today. Yay!

Ganon's Hollow - Nomadius

2005-07-15T16:25:00.000-06:00

You are an
assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

So, having evaluated the "drunken" episode of two nights prior, I've no real desire to repeat it. Despite the rather large amount of alcohol I consumed, the effects only amounted to lightheadedness and fatigue. My mental faculties were all accounted for, and I felt no slackening in my self-restraint.

Note: this entry has been censored to protect the identities, reputations, and dispositions of those involved. This was done at great personal expense to the author, who had rather liked his description of that night's events. If this censoring came too late to protect the delicate nature of the individual(s) who raised the complaint, tough shit. If not, expect the blackmail letter to arrive soon.

I think I've already made my decision regarding major changing, and it is this: do it. I think I made it several weeks ago but was too frustrated/afraid to admit it to myself. This means class shuffling, advisor shuffling, future shuffling, foot shuffling, and ultimately mass word shuffling. A big hassle, but I think (hope) it's going to be worth it.

On that note, I require food.

Coward's Paradise - The Billy Nayer Show

2005-07-10T21:45:00.000-06:00

Victoria and I, having discussed the matter in depth and eliminated all pertinent ambiguity, are now officially together. Some of you may have divined this from my MySpace page, so this announcement is mainly for those without a MySpace of their own. Needless to say, I'm quite happy about how things turned out. But, in the interest of good form, I'll spare you all the gushing, frothing, and schmooping. Anyway, that's where I've been for the past week (in case you're wondering why I've been scarce).

In other news, I'm well past waist-deep in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I'll reserve final judgement until I finish, but it's been blowing my toes and fingers off with unusual efficiency thus far. I'm splicing its reading with vampire short stories so as not to philosophically overload myself.

The return to an English major is looking more probable as I continue to ponder it. I'd still keep music as a minor (having invested too much to just let it go), but it stressed me out quite a bit last semester. I don't think I could take six more semesters of the same. Of course, English may do the same thing to me.

I hate making life decisions.

Miracle - Foo Fighters

2005-07-02T00:17:00.000-06:00

You scored as Emo-Core. Well it looks like you could be emo-core. Some bands I would personaly suggest would be Oddproject, Poison the Well, and Saosin.

Emo-Core

63%

Post Hardcore

50%

Metal-Core

44%

Orginal Hardcore

19%

Poser Hardcore

What is your style of hardcore?
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I'm thinking about returning to the roots of my college career as an English major, but I don't know if I want to change yet again. It's such a bother, and I've almost made some friends in the music department. But, on the other hand, watching Rah-Xephon's final episodes again clarified something: I'll always be a D. My pitch is better than the average person, but I'll never be a true instrumentalist. The path of the Ollin will not lead me to my Yoteodl. The problem is, I don't know which path will.

Which brings me to the issue
And that would be this:
How often must I ask myself
Why I exist?
I feel like a freak.
This world is a circus.
Just trying to find myself
As well as my purpose.

Happytime news: things seem to be working out wonderfully 'twixt Victoria and I. I use "seem to be" because I'm pessimistic. As always, I'll just have to see how things pan out, but this whole thing seems to be on the up and up. If things work out, at least I'll have someone who wants to ride my scooter to nowhere with me.

O fortuna velut Luna!

I Will Lead You - Filter

2005-06-26T23:40:00.000-06:00

"I'm here to announce that King Mufasa's on his way...so you'd better have a good reason for missing the ceremony today."

The announcement: I have started another blog as a record of my writing stuffs. Similar to Ryan's Rings Around Orion, save it's geared more toward short stories. You (yes, even you non-commenters *cough*locals*cough*) should read them and tell me what you think.

Apprentice Ink.

Shooting Star - Elliot Smith

2005-06-21T00:47:00.000-06:00

Interesting results from yet another gene:

Pathetic, I know. But take me a scarce two months ago, and behold!

Apparently, my sexual skills are on the decline. This doesn't bode well.

On a more serious note, I've a question to pose to all you faithful readers. The question is this: what can you see me doing (ie majoring in, working at, etc.)? What fills in the blank when you think, "Hey, Peter would be a good __________."? My direction in life seems uncertain once again, and we here at FriedPet, Inc. value your input. I'd appreciate it if every reader throws out their pennies, but attendence won't be taken.

With that, I'm off to flee those unrelenting, quiet brown eyes by seeking asylum aboard The Heart of Gold. Maybe I'll just have the Infinite Improbability Drive turn me into a fence post.

Oh, and please let me know what you think of Midas.

Midas

2005-06-19T23:43:00.000-06:00

A pillow sweet enough
To make your Midas weep.
Leaving my prints
On porcelain spheres.

I would give more.
I would take more.

But that world is not mine.
These rags cannot hold water
Enough to teach my lips
The taste of summer.

I would gain more.
I would lose more.

To solstice I will take
My treasured marble dust.
Shadows on the grass
Will hold my empty hands.

I would love you more.

Best of You - Foo Fighters

2005-06-19T05:27:00.000-06:00

It's 5:27 AM on this beautiful Father's Day morning.

I feel like crying from simultaneous frustration and elation.

More things to follow.

2005-06-13T00:49:00.000-06:00

Wouldn't it be so wonderful
If everything were meaningless?
But everything is so meaningful
And most everything turns to shit.
Rejoice.

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad? - Moby

2005-06-08T21:45:00.000-06:00

I really couldn't tell you. Well, okay, I could, but we've already been over the whole spilling-your-guts-online thing. Part of it is probably due to my having finished The Dark Tower. A truly amazing series, and I didn't find the Coda's ending unsatisfying at all. Disheartening, yes, but not unsatisfying. Still, I'd say the overall story is one of sorrow, and maybe that's why.

The dining room at work finally has a completion deadline: June 29. Apparently, it will take them three weeks to unpack the remaining chairs and tables, as everything else is ready to go. I don't particularly enjoy the lack of information flowing from the powers that be to the dining staff. Down with bureaucracy.

According to the Job Predictor, I have several career paths.

Peter: a hypnotist.
Peter James: a pirate.
Peter Friedrichsen: a clown.
Peter James Friedrichsen: funeral director.

...I don't really want to be any of those things.

Speaking of clowns, the little tiff Jonny had with those girls at IHOP the other night pointed out a big factor in my shyness: I'm not witty or funny. I can't think on my feet at all unless it's something to do with combat, and even then I'm slower than a 2nd kyu should be. I think this is also part of the reason I feel isolated from everybody. The people I hang out with are very funny individuals, and I just don't feel I can contribute anything of sufficient comedic worth to the goings-on.

"Um, that's because you're stupid, lazy, and inactive. Dull and unattractive."

So there's that.

I never wanted to be popular. I imagine it's irritating and difficult to maintain. However, to be enjoyable company is something I have wanted for awhile now.

Fucking insecurities.

Kid A - Radiohead

2005-06-01T00:21:00.000-06:00

You Are The Outlaw
"Sure, I'll do it. My way."
Just because you do not conform to the same laws and rules as everyone else does not mean that you are a bad guy. You travel your own path, separate from those around you, with your own reasons for doing what you do. Because of this and your own nature, it goes without saying that you are generally misunderstood. That does not matter much, though, as people love you for being who you are. You are pretty well set in your ways and have no real intention of changing. This can come across as a flicker of arrogance if your not careful. You do what is right for you, and God help anyone who stands in your way.

Which Classic Story Role Do You Play?
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You're a Harp!

What Type of Alcoholic Beverage Are You?
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Divide thyself, traveller.

Golden Boy - Primus

2005-05-30T00:40:00.000-06:00

I apologise for the lack of updates, but Mel's advent has made my life unusually busy. The benefit of this visit shall be made visually evident soon enough. Suffice to say she made my hair straight enough to hold my own in a Jesus look-alike pageant. Unfortunately, this process must be repeated daily to achieve the desired effect. Would you lose all respect for me if I bought a straightening iron?

Hrm. Maybe I should start a foundation to help children in suburban homes be more ghetto.

All I can think of right now is food, which is absurd. I ate several enormous meals today, and if I eat any more, I shall exceed the "charmingly pudgy" weight limit parameters. Then all my chances with pretty girls would go to shit.

Czechmeat!

Before There Was Atlanta, There Was Douglasville - The Chariot

2005-05-18T20:21:00.000-06:00

So I finished the term with a GPA of ~3.5, which I'm content with. Sure, I could've done better, but considering everything that happened and everything that changed in the past four months, I think I did okay. My cumulative is still high enough to keep me in the honors program, and that's all I'm really worried about.

I've been playing Metroid Prime II: Echoes extensively since its purchase last weekend, and I must say it's a very well-made game. The physics engine, gameplay, and visuals are improved over Metroid Prime, and the new upgrades are quite fun (a multi-missle launcher and echo visor among them). Plus, it has the feel of a A Link to the Past in that you travel between the light and dark worlds to find items and get around obstacles. Plus, like The Adventure of Link taught us, it's always fun to fight your own shadow.

I also picked up Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy yesterday since Barnes & Noble had all the Dark Tower books except the one I need (V for those who are monitoring my progress). I'm only about 15 pages into it, but I'm enjoying it thoroughly. I've always been a sucker for British humor, though.

Spiderlegs

2005-05-13T14:42:00.000-06:00

Your pale cheek
Was never weak
Enough to raise the dead.
The spinning hands
And flowing strands
Of silk are what they bled.

An inkwell lies
Within the eyes
Of one whose heart was true.
To hold your pen
To them again
Would surely bleach their hue.

A lesson learned
Through tears unearned
Will make a sightless scar,
But veils drawn
Against the dawn
Will show them what you are.

Everyday - Jamiroquai

2005-05-11T22:03:00.000-06:00

So I'm thinking of returning to the Vagrant Cafe out of frustration at the lack of intelligent posting elsewhere on the Internet. The Cafe is replete with assholes, but at least they can make coherent arguments.

You are: THE JOKER!

Which Batman Villain Are You?
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As evidence of my sick sense of humor, I implore you all to visit my new link, Bunny Suicides.

Enough! I must write this essay!

Bird Stealing Bread - Iron and Wine

2005-05-10T19:16:00.000-06:00

My percussion jury was rough today. I played my prepared pieces well enough, but the sight reading completely pwned me. Eric told me to take piano lessons so I can improve both my sight reading and concert repertoire.

Only two finals now, and one is online. So 5:40 PM Thursday evening marks the end of my semester (if you don't count graduation, that is). The other people in Jazz Ped want to go out for martinis after the final. I probably won't join them, but the possibility is tangible for the first time in my life. It feels weird.

...I hate talking about relationships in terms of "if it had worked."

I want summer to be now so I don't have to worry about school anymore. Then I can just sit in my room with my instruments and have fun.

Souljacker Part I - Eels

2005-05-09T14:20:00.000-06:00

Two juries down, one to go. I scored an "A-" on my piano jury, which I was fairly pleased with. The few mistakes I made were not issues of ability but mere performance jitters (I'm still not used to playing music for a grade). I hit some noticeable flats during my voice jury, but my performance overall must have been satisfactory, as both Dr. Vaughn and Dr. Morrow-King extended invitations to join men's choir. \/\/00+!

Am I the only one getting murderously sick of those stupid "game" ads? You know, the ones like "Shoot the knife into the camera above George Bush's daughters!" Those equipped with sounds are the worst, like the Brad Pitt/paparazzi one. The creator of these things should be placed in Hell alongside the inventor of pop-ups.

Now I must away to practice my marimba. TTFN.

I Remember - Damien Rice

2005-05-06T12:49:00.000-06:00

Last night's show went well despite the director's self-administered aneurysms (Nick's famous for wigging out before shows). No thanks to you people who didn't show up. There go all your gold stars for perfect attendence.

So here I sit in the e-Cave on the last day of classes. I took my Shakespeare final this morning and felt pretty good about it, so that's one less worry. My health class is in an hour, the last lecture of SP05. The final for that class is online, so the only one I'm worried about is Jazz Pedagogy. Well, and my triptych of juries, but I already have the material for those. Jazz Ped deals with some music theory I haven't had yet (read: any), so it's probably going to do a fair amount of ass-kicking.

Who do you agree with?

My top three were St. Augustine (100%), Immanuel Kant (93%), and St. Thomas Aquinas (93%). Bottom three: David Hume (28%), Cynics (22%), and Thomas Hobbes (0%).

I turn 21 in 36 hours.

Cool Blue Reason - Cake

2005-05-02T17:54:00.000-06:00

Checking in with the good news report:

1) I took my laptop back to DSC today because their repair job is falling apart, and the guy there said it would be covered under their repair warranty. They might actually get it to work right this time.

2) The admin of CSU Forums asked me to be a supermoderator yesterday. This essentially means I have modding powers over the entire forum. |2/-\\/\/|<

3) Assassins is finally being performed this Thursday. Those of you in the Fort should see if you can make it. 7:00 in the Black Box theatre (contact me for die-recktions).

Okay, so Mark gave me the recording program he uses for Two Seconds To Late, and I want to get some stuffs recorded and online. I'm having trouble deciding on an artist name, though. My options thus far:

-Jericho Snowflake Authority
-Full Moon Fallacy

If you peeble prefer one or the other (or have another idea), let me know mmm'kay?

Under the Milky Way Tonight - The Church

2005-05-02T00:34:00.000-06:00

So explain to me why doing laundry at my parents' house seems to intensify my feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, and gloom.

(waits for glib remarks about his perpetual nihilism to cease)

I think it's the location. I spent many, many hours here by myself in high school and last year, and I felt just as trapped then as I do now. I supposed it doesn't help that I can walk to all three places where girls have broken up with me in a matter of minutes. Hell, I can even see one from this quaint little kitchen table.

Of course, this is also the location where my only defineable relationship began, and that relationship, while naive and juvenile, was also the happiest time of my life.

Oops, sorry. Force of habit.

*ahem*

So, who's happy that this semester/school year has nearly reached its much-anticipated end? I suppose it's not a good sign that I define my life via institutionalized education, but to me, the end of May hearkens the same sort of reflection that most people reserve for December 26-30. You know, the whole, "Ah, how this year has changed me" thing. Which is probably part of why I'm feeling so emo right now. That and Neutral Milk Hotel is now playing on my iRiver.

I've been reading Questionable Content extensively, and I find it frightening how accurately some of these comics define me. For example:

"You know what I think it is? I need someone who is willing to be patient with me. I'm like a hedgehog--if you just give me time to uncurl, I'll eventually relax and not be so prickly."
"Oh yeah? What happens then?"
"Well, then there's the boss fight, after which I reveal my true form. Neo-Mecha-[Peter] has twice the hit points and a devastating [Emo Wave] attack."

I'm sure Mel is laughing hysterically with the pertinence of the above quote right about now.

According to Weather.com, zipcode 80521 will not be having weather of any sort on May 11. The last of the snow is supposed to come tomorrow, then winter will trundle off to the land of atmospheric oblivion until June. \/\/00+!

Thomas - A Perfect Circle

2005-04-29T01:06:00.000-06:00

What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a failure to communicate.

So time for some straight shooting. I'll make Roland proud.

Issue I - Why do I spill my guts so openly on this little blackened page of the Internet but not in person?

Answer I.i - I've always expressed myself best via written word. When discussing intimate matters, my speech becomes halting and uncertain. Why? Because I'm afraid of sounding pitiful, pretentious, or otherwise despicable. Here, I feel much more comfortable because I have time to think about things and can delete or reword part of a post before I publish it. Such luxuries are not allowed in most vocal exchanges.
Answer I.ii - Bringing up such subjects has always been incredibly difficult for me. Whenever I try, I feel like some whiny imp begging the world to give a shit about me. Here, I can say what I want and those who give a shit can reply (hence my sensitivity about commenting).

Issue II - Why do I use ridiculously overblown metaphors to describe how I'm feeling?

Answer II.i - It's my creative expressionism attempting to cope with the feelings and sensations inside me. Phrases like "My life sucks" and "I've no reason to keep living," while applicable, don't convey the extremities to which I feel these things. The metaphors are constructed to more closely mirror what's going on inside me.
Answer II.ii - I've always been a sucker for poetic expresssion.
Answer II.iii - In my defense, not all of my posts are hopelessly cryptic. This one, for example, states very clearly what was upsetting me.

So where do we go from here?

I suppose it's time for me to shed my e-chrysalis and re-enter the world of tactile contact (damn these metaphors!). It's going to take a little while to get used to, though. The last face-to-face confidant I had....well, maybe I should tell you all that story in person.

Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

2005-04-27T10:15:00.000-06:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	High
Schizoid Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:	High
Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Disorder:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

Big surprise.

I'm glad to know my stream-of-consciousness despair brings you people amusement. At least it's good for something.

2005-04-25T00:55:00.000-06:00

falling slipping sinking fading tired so tired head underwater lungs crushed let me breathe hold my eyes no let them close too much too fast too long too little i try i try let me live breathe in hurts let it out cold blue eyes future uncertain give me hope reason future dying with light brushstrokes pencil shavings help me fight will fading worth worth all is worth give me worth give me life iron and steel and flax so cold in here somebody anybody please come help me help me help me

Time Has Told Me - Nick Drake

2005-04-21T14:06:00.000-06:00

Inspired by Becca's lazy-day post, I thought I'd post my own. This Thursday's schedule consists of:

-Playing a couple of easy pieces on pass/fail grading for piano class.
-Filling my iRiver with musical goodness.
-Lounging in my lovely papasan.
-Maybe starting on a Shakespeare essay.
-Practicing some snare drills.
-Playing Metroid Prime.

The only downside to this wonderful spring day is the unwelcome migraine which still hasn't left me alone.

The scene went well yesterday. I botched a line, and my recovery wasn't exactly Shakespearian English, but it was only one word. The blood capsules ruptured admirably, giving me a nice bloody mess on my hand and dagger without gooping up the stage. I don't know how well my performance was received, but Cathleen the director was happy, so my objective was accomplished.

Live-in Skin - Foo Fighters

2005-04-20T11:05:00.000-06:00

Good news: Eric said my lesson yesterday showed improvement, so hopefully I'll be able to stay in the studio and pursue my dream of becoming a vainglorious small-time musician.

I'm performing a scene from Hamlet (I.v for those who care) tonight for my friend Cathleen. This will be my first time performing Shakespeare outside of a classroom.

I've never understood why virtually every high school English teacher makes the students act out part of Shakespeare plays. I don't really think it helps them understand the play better, as most of the kids don't have any theatre training anyway. It's an embarassing and inefficient teaching tool. Huttah for college-level Shakespeare classes where we read the plays outside of class.

I've found it surprisingly difficult to perform Shakespeare seriously, even in rehearsals. I simply can't shake the feeling of pretentiousness. From the language to the posturing to the costuming, it's really difficult not to feel like an arrogant prick. Hopefully, none of this will show tonight when I actually perform.

A plague of slightly-unfortunate luck on the anonymous commenter on my last post.

More good news: I finally purchased the much-awaited mp3 player. Behold its glory. Despite the MSRP listed on the site, I picked mine up for a sweet $225 from e-Bay. The seller apparently refurbishes mp3 players to like-new quality and sells them cheap. w00+! And yes, O gR34+ m4c, I'll continue using this language despite my understudy status.

Coincidentally, some Asian dancers started practicing near my current location when Thievery Corporation's Lebanese Blonde came on. They appear to be hand dancers, spinning multiple foxtail-like objects around their heads. Looks like they're heading to a performance now.

To the mess hall!

Forty-Six & 2 - Tool

2005-04-15T13:56:00.000-06:00

Roll call: please comment with an "aye" if you read this blog on any sort of a regular basis.. I'd like to know exactly who my audience is. If you haven't a Blogger account and must reply anonymously, please sign your comment.

Thank you for your time.

Know Your Enemy - Rage Against the Machine

2005-04-12T21:42:00.000-06:00

Why the fuck do I have to be right all the time?

Eric Hollenbeck, the esteemed assistant professor of percussion at Colorado State University, told me today I'm not making the progress I should be. If I don't show some improvement by the semester's end, I'm out of the studio.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I practice a lot as it is, I barely have time to eat most days, and I'm still not measuring up. Not a surprise to most of you, I'm sure, but I guess I thought I was worth something as a musician, even if not much. Nothing like your instructor telling you you're not worth his time to clear up any misunderstandings.

Yes, I know my enemies.
They're the teachers who taught me to fight me,
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission,
Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite,
All of which are American dreams.

.......

Fuck me.

Passenger Seat - Death Cab for Cutie

2005-04-12T07:53:00.000-06:00

Good news, people: one of my unsuspecting neighbors has set up an unsecured wireless network in the area. I don't know how long this good fortune will last, but I plan on making as much use of this good fortune as I can.

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful.

You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

The Scientist - Coldplay

2005-04-11T00:00:00.000-06:00

Snowstorms on April the tenth.

Sometimes, I really hate this state.

The acquisition of the male-to-male 0.125-inch cable (which allows me to connect my laptop/mp3 player to my drumset for 1337 pl4yb4ck h4x0R$) has made me aware of a painful but veritable truth: my abilities as a drummer suck ass. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective), this revelation hasn't precluded my desire to continue the practice of playing with my mp3's. Failing miserably to keep up with Josh Friesen still beats banging on rubber pads with no accompaniment. The blisters are getting irritating, though.

Remember the good ol' days when people commented on my blog? You might not miss them, but I do.

The boy is alive again, but his dream threatens to resurrect the dead.

Elite - Deftones

2005-04-06T11:18:00.000-06:00

Rant forthcoming:

Elitism and its many devout followers across this wonderful world of ours deserve nothing short of eternal hellfire. While listening to Kenney Chesney, Good Charlotte, and Evanescence.

Unfortunately, the Vagrant Cafe, while the hotspot for all things asshole, is not the only Internet forum where such infectants breed. I'm currently engaged in a pissing match with some hepsters on the CSU forums about the nature of postmodernism, the concept of genre classification, and what "real hardcore" is. To all of which I say, "Fuck that."

Now, I realize pretentiousness is part of human nature. I enjoy a healthy amount of pretension, mostly using it to avoid unwanted conversation (I dress in black, wear a trenchcoat, give mean looks, et al). However, once that initial barrier has been breached, I deal directly with all individuals (another effective deterrant, coincidentally). Attempting to make people believe I am/know/do more than I actually am/know/do is dishonest, pointless, and short-lived. I have no pride to protect, no name to adhere to, and no face to save because of this. It makes my life much simpler.

Why, then, must these people maintain that certain bands are "pure" hardcore and anything post 1997 is posercore? What does it matter? I don't care how true PMC, Norma Jean, or The Chariot are to the "roots" of hardcore. I like their music, and I call it hardcore so other people get an idea of what they sound like.

Another thing: hepsters seem to have difficulty acknowledging technical musicianship. Sure, Incubus is popular, but deservedly so. Einzinger can run circles around Isaac Brock in terms of technical skill and dedication to proficiency. Hepsters can't acknowledge this. It's all about the dirty, shitty-sounding recordings, unkempt emovers, and tight jeans.

And you know what? I like both Incubus and Modest Mouse. Not a difficult thing to do, really.

Okay, I'm done. Thankfully, the couple displaying the junior-high level PDA's also seem to have finished polluting this area of the Duhesa Lounge.

Food, anyone?

Oh, and I'm also mad at all of you for offering exactly zero feedback on my poem.

The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice

2005-04-03T20:35:00.000-06:00

Tonight was absolutely beautiful. For the first time this year, it truly felt like summer.

Victoria asked me once if I'm a summer person or a winter person. I replied at the time that I'm a seasons person, but I don't think so anymore. I'm a summer evenings person.

Anyway, now it's time for an irritating survey:

01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I don't watch much tv these days.
03. I love olives.
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana.
09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently, Damnit
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I've been told I have a nice butt
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm smart.
21. I've never broken someone else's bones
22. I have a secret that I'm scared to reveal
23. I love rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free.
26. I need money right now
27. I love sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs.
35. I have/had a twin.
36. I have lied in this survey so far.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have mood swings.
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is pretty
45. I have good English.
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I'm well known.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants
53. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with my Xanga/LiveJournal.
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer.
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I watch mtv on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've had the cops called on me before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have dated someone at least 5 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80. I am very shy around the same/opposite(take yr pick) sex esp. when they are really good looking.
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol before
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
85. I own the "South Park" movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
88. I enjoy country music.
89. I love my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson.
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex.
99. I'm happy as of this moment
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. I have a crush on somebody I've never met
102. I kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math
105. I'm procrastinating something right now
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in 'lust' more than in 'love.
108. I have a thing for boybands.
110. I'm obsessed with The Sims.
111. I have an obsession with Orlando Bloom.
112. I need to lose weight
113. I make faces in the mirror.
114. I love Darren Hayes
115. I need to do laundry.
116. I have/had a pet rat.
117. I've dyed my hair an unnatural color before.
118. I've gone surfing before.
119. I'm sleepy right now.
120. I have been involved in a car accident in the past 6 months
121. I hold grudges.
122. I own a movie or DVD that I have never watched.
123. I like musicals
124. Christmas is my favorite time of the year.
125. I am a member of the Jimmy Buffett Parrothead Fan club in Santa Barbara, Cali.
126. I don't feel like adding another one
127. I know Gabe Antkowsk
128. I believe you can love more than one person.
129. I have learned to never say never, because you might some day.
130. I am a good tennis player.
131. I love my kitten, and i find that kittens aren't all evil.
132. I wish I knew then, what I know now.
133. I am in love
134. I've met the Dalai Lama
135. I lost a hundred pounds.
136. I've stalked Bette Midler
137. I've fallen off a horse.
138. I've skipped class just to masturbate.
140. I dated a professional athlete.
141. I'm in love with my best friend.
142. I've always wanted to be goth.
143. I watch Sex and the City
144. I think hardcore music can be romantic.

If any of you care to perpetuate yet another useless Internet blurb, the rules are as follows: copy/paste, bold the truth, debold the false, and add one at the end.

25 days of classes left for us collegiate scholars.

Carpet Scraps

2005-03-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

Your geometric patterns
Don't fall in with swelling lights.
The rhythms are identical.
Look closer.

Voices in the static
Following my conversation.
Evidence is circumstantial.
Look away.

I would ask you to stay,
Stay with me another day,
But the sun is going out.
The light is burning up.

Falling from the floor
To taste the gilded rafters.
Dancing through the accidentals.
Take a breath.

Human-colored raindrops
Roll across my budding tongue.
Expansion is temperamental.
Let it out.

I would ask you to stay,
Stay with me another day,
But the sun is going out.
The light is burning up.

Mourning is in doubt.

Drawing such inspired air
Into your closely-tethered lungs.
Friendship so coincidental.
Open your eyes.

Underwater - Audiovent

2005-03-27T23:05:00.000-07:00

There isn't much to say upon one's return from Hell, except that it's wonderful to see the stars once again. Dante made the trip in one night, but not all of us have Virgil as a guide.

As it turned out, the solitude of Limbo wasn't why I was summoned. I had to descend into the deepest pit, walking the surface of Cocytus in the shadow of Lucifer, to find what I sought. I came to the place prepared for me, and I understood why I had been called so deep. This is what I saw:

Standing alone in the shadows beyond this altar, a small boy watched me with frightened eyes. His legs were locked in the icy prison, his ankles grasped by a familiar pair of hands. Tears were frozen on his face, but he was too small, weak, and afraid to brush them away. I reached toward him, but he pulled away as far as his frozen legs would allow. Understanding burrowed into the core of my being, and I knelt in front of him and placed my hands on the ice. The pain was excruciating, but I knew it was the only way I could escape this place. The ice slowly gave way, subliming into a thick fog. Hours or days, I couldn't tell how much time passed, but I finally felt a small pair of hands gingerly place themselves on my shoulders. Looking up, I witnessed something of which this God-forsaken pit had no memory: a small smile.

"I never forgot," he whispered.

"I know. Come, return to me," I replied.

The boy nodded, then began to dissolve into the fog created by the melted ice. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply of his essence, imbibing all he was into my spirit. When my eyes opened again, I was standing on the shore of Acheron, Charon's impatient face staring at me from his cursed vessel. When my eyes met his, he shrank back in fear and wonder.

"You! I thought you the same soul I bore seven days past, but 'tis not so!"

"You speak true, servant of the damned. You shall find my weight more burdensome this time, for I am no longer the halved spirit I was. I stand before you weak, bloodied, and alone, but I am whole once more."

Sheol - Jeff Johnson

2005-03-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

Kiss my hands.

After nearly two years of college existence, I can honestly say it has been the worst time of my life. The events of recent months have infected ancient wounds and opened new sores. Final truth regarding Melissa has been obtained, but the knowledge brings no comfort. The Fates have taken me far beyond the thirteenth step, and whatever foundation I rested upon has been completely eroded. I can no longer hold back this tide.

The time has come for me to once again retreat beyond the River Acheron. My passage has already been arranged, and Charon will arrive for me shortly. As C.S. Lewis once said, the only place one can be completely safe from the dangers of love outside of Heaven is Hell. Heaven lends me no ear, so I must fall back on what certainty I have left.

During the length of my stay on Acheron's far shore, all portals of communication with the world of the living shall be closed. I will only maintain contact at points vital for the continuation of my worthless life.

I'm sure most of you reading this are thinking I'm just an emo kid overreacting to life and indulging his flair for the dramatic. If such is the case, you may now rest easy knowing that you no longer have to pretend at friendship with such an individual. I'm removing my irritating presence and worthless abilities from your life.

I bid the rest of you a very fond farewell. Should you still desire my friendship if and when I return, please send word.

Porcelain - Moby

2005-03-16T22:54:00.000-07:00

Connect five semi-elongated diamonds to make a star.

Shade each diamond halfway along the longitudinal axis and you get the indie rock star.

Look for the indie rock star attached to cars, jackets, and backpacks to find posers.

Namedrop various mainstream and indie band names to evoke various reactions from posers.

.......

I have absolutely no motivation to register for classes next semester. In order to register, I need to talk to my advisor. Since transferring to Music Education, I don't even know who my advisor is. Besides, I'm quickly losing all motivation to continue any sort of formalized education, or education at all for that matter. The acquisition of facts and methods, theories and rules help nothing in the end. Nothing helps anything in the end.

(Enter NIHILISM hovering above PETER)

In the past, I received this e-mail newsletter from a professional asshole who believed he can explain how women's minds work. How a guy has to be C & F (Cocky and Funny) to win women, that Nice Guy = Wuss, therefore unattractive. This I can attest to, as the number of women who have been seriously attracted to me over the course of the past four years have numbered in the East-Indian realm of zero. Why? Because I'm nice. The solution? Nothing, because I don't have the self-confidence to be cocky and God knows I'm not funny. Inabilities notwithstanding, C & F guys are dicks.

My finances are as mewling infants strapped to an armed nuclear warhead.

I have no talent, no inspiration, and no future.

Jimmy - Tool

2005-03-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

Instead of a real post detailing the firestorms and hurricanes of my life (whoa-oh-oh!), I shall give you a bunch of useless quizzes stolen from a highschooler's LiveJournal.

If I were a hygiene product, I'd be

Click here to find out which hygiene product you'd be at BRAINPUKE.COM!

You scored as Comic/Videogame Geek. Hosannah! You are a video game and/or comic book geek! This means that you now possess bedsores and carpal tunnel syndrome from the countless hours spent in the persona of a hedgehog, elfin creature, or Las Vegas thug! Was it worth it? Also, if you answered yes to playing Dance, Dance Revolution, you might secretly be gay. Back to your joystick!

Comic/Videogame Geek

100%

Computer Geek

83%

Sci-Fi Geek

83%

Dungeons & Dragons Geek

83%

Anime Geek

83%

Nerd

83%

Loser

67%

Not A Geek

33%

Redneck Dork

What Breed of Geek are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Romantic Kisser. Good for you! You know how to kiss and hopefully you have a certain someone to experience a serge of happiness with. If not, it doesnt hurt to flirt kiss a little hehe. Just dont get carried away. Romantic kissing is always a plus! Kissing is an art keep it up and youll be really good!

Romantic Kisser

100%

Yippy Ki Yay!

56%

Dont quit your day job...

25%

How good do you kiss?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Cartilage Piercing. You could probably be described as a little edgy but basically nice. Good for you for being a complete poser. You're probably a little art kid too. Woo freakity hoo.

Cartilage Piercing

90%

Labret Piercing

80%

Dirty Piercings

70%

Nose Piercing

70%

Tongue Piercing

70%

Earlobe Piercing

60%

Nipples

50%

Lip Piercing

40%

Belly Button Piercing

20%

What Piercing Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Loner. You loner you. Continue on your trek for loneliness and hatred for the world!

Loner

75%

Art Freak

69%

Loser

19%

Nerd

Cheerleader/Jock

Punk Ass Kid

What's You're Sterotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as alternative. You're partially respected for being an individual in a conformist world yet others take you as a radical. You have no place in society because you choose not to belong there - you're the luckiest of them all, even if your parents are completely ashamed of you. Just don't take drugs ok?

alternative

83%

Middle Class

54%

Upper middle Class

50%

Lower Class

42%

Luxurious Upper Class

13%

What Social Status are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

There. Now you all go and score the same because we're just clones of each other.

No Surprises - Radiohead

2005-03-09T00:38:00.000-07:00

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin?

Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince,
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest!

Cool Blue Reason - Cake

2005-03-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

I hate Mondays.

Class from 10:00 to 3:00, work from 4:00 to 7:00, and percussion practice from 8:00 to 10:00. And this particular Monday, I'm running on about four hours of sleep. If I get sick again, I'm going to adopt the age-old practice of bleeding for the cure.

I want to sleep, not explicate Shakespeare's sonnets.

One more week until spring break. Then let anarchy rule my schedule for twelve blissful days ere the return of responsibility.

Magic - Nick Drake

2005-03-03T23:14:00.000-07:00

"Hey, dude, what's that on your shirt?"
"Huh?"
"That big purple stain."
"Oh, I spilled some irony on myself earlier."
"Again?"
"Hey, not my fault I work at the irony factory."
"Yeah, but can't you be more careful?"
"Dude, I work in the fucking vat. I live my days chin-deep in the shit."
"Oh."

Sanzen - Dredg

2005-02-27T23:38:00.000-07:00

Entering Week the Second of this marvelous illness, I find myself growing more and more impatient with the tormentingly tangible advent of spring. Because after spring comes summer, and summer means a slackening in my schedule. It also means less likelihood of illness.

So somebody remind me why this college thing is worth it.

I finished Dark Tower III. I found it amusing he called the book The Wastelands though they didn't reach the Drawers until the final 20 pages or so. The illustrations were not nearly as good in this one. My personal favorite was the one of Roland firing his gun with nothing in the background but 80's dance club lights. I also find it interesting that King used all caps to denote Big Blaine's speech, even when the context said he was speaking with a soft, almost human quality. Of course, one can't expect too much from a degenerate supercomputer that enjoys making midgets hang each other.

Silent Return - Virus

2005-02-21T00:22:00.000-07:00

So, after a month of valiant, disorganized, and largely useless struggle, my immune system has finally given way to the master of the climate. No longer content with mere colds, I have now contracted the ever-popular influenza. I know, I'm a sellout.

Sorry for bailing out on you guys Saturday night. I received a call from the local ghost-hunting team telling me they found something in a previously-inactive area, so naturally I had to go check it out. If you're still raw about it this weekend, I'll tell you exactly what I saw. Yes, there was indeed a ghost, one some of you might have recognized.

You know, fevers do really weird things to my head. It's like some sort of mild drug trip without any of the pleasant sensations and a healthy amount of unpleasant situations.

So should I launch into my semi-delirious rant posting which will end up revealing more about myself than I ever wanted posted online?

Maybe I'll just marvel at the fact that a black woman with no legs let herself get raped by a demon so a ex-heroin addict and a one-handed gunslinger could pull an 11-year-old boy through a door in the ground so he could avoid getting eaten by a large, malicious house.

and then, came then - The Chariot

2005-02-18T10:36:00.000-07:00

You gently kissed the top of my head, pressing your lips into the soft mass of brown curls tumbling down in disarray across my closed eyelids. The warmth of your breath sent strange goosebumps rippling over my forearms. My breath had departed for the instant, its presence no longer disturbing the solid space surrounding us.

My face was enveloped in shadow, the solitary flame of light illuminating my bowed shoulders, bent spine, and rubber soles. Your eyes reveled in the brilliant glow, throwing back fragments of light in a rainbow of colors. The reflection from the gleaming blade cast an jagged, eerie image across your left eye, as if you bore a scar inflicted by a dagger of coherent light. Your smile, however, bore no sign of pain or malice, only sincere adoration.

Your hands rested on my shoulders, mere inches from the river of life flowing below the surface of my neck's skin. Your fingertips moved with the rhythm of my pulse. Having surrendered my soul into your hands, I drank deep reassurance from your gentle touch, your tender words. I willfully lost myself in the liquid opals of your eyes, trusting to lose all other vision in favor of your promise.

Creeping across the floor and up the wall behind you, your shadow's decision had already been made.

Difference of Vengeance and Wrongs - Misery Signals

2005-02-14T02:09:00.000-07:00

Nothing exists outside these walls except amber lights floating in a sea of black oblivion.

I can feel myself sinking again. My body is too finely tuned to my spirit for its own good, but at least it's finally succeeded in getting the message through. Yes, I'm sick yet again. While this is physically due to 11 hours of work on 4 hours of sleep, I'm beginning to realize simple fatigue isn't the only cause.

I think my body is shutting itself down.

This has happened before, around the time I moved to Windsor. Though I wasn't getting sick at the rate of once a week (due to my utter lack of contact with other humans), my appetite dropped off sharply, thus producing the 20-pound reduction in my weight over the next few months. This time around, however, things aren't so easy. All because of this God-damned system, this method of working ourselves to exhaustion for nothing.

I won't get to bed until 2:30 at the absolute earliest. I must be up by 9:00 at the latest. My day will run from 10:00 AM to 8:30 PM with only an hour break. I'm going to fail my voice solo once more due to illness, I'm going to fail my percussion exam Tuesday due to lack of mental coherence (another side effect of illness). I have two quizzes in Health & Wellness due tomorrow at 2:00. I work a three-hour shift at a lifeless, routine, corporate job.

And you know what? It can all go to hell in a flaming ball of shit for all I care.

.......

Comrade, if you're still reading this, if you still remember my name, please forgive me for failing you. All I ever wanted was to deserve you.

Die Interviewer (I Am Only Speaking in German) - The Chariot

2005-02-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

"Peter, your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.

You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. "

All this from Tickle's Inkblot Test. This result is rather surprising if you consider I was listening to The Chariot and Norma Jean during most of the taking.

Minerva - Deftones

2005-02-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

For some reason, the bagel I'm currently eating is unusually good.

So I've been looking at motorcycles because I've decided that I need to flaunt my pimpness more aptly. What do all pimps do? If you answered, "Drive really expensive cars," you'd be right. Thus, buying a cheap, used motorcycle will put me on the path of the pimp legend. But, I'm having difficult deciding on the type of bikemobile to obtain. So, all of you go here and tell me what to get.

A nice Chinese lady just gave me a small packet with a smiling lima bean in a ball cap, blue shorts, and green curly shoes on it. Happy Chinese New Year!

I spent an hour in the dungeon (read: basement of the music building) practicing the C-major scale on the marimba. Oddly enough, this is the most difficult scale on the instrument, as succesive white-key notes require a lot of difficult cross-sticking. My department head for symphonic band wants me to take the snare for the march we're playing, which intimidates me somewhat. The part is fairly complex, fast, and vital to the piece. Considering I've had all of two lessons on snare technique thus far, I feel vastly underqualified to take this on.

Flee!

Crawl Away - Tool

2005-02-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

My technology is crumbling around me.

Item the first: my car's sound system. The CD player won't even play the (brand new) lens cleaner CD. Options? Replacement. Also, the speakers are starting to buzz rather badly. Options? Replacement.

Item the second: my crappy HP laptop. The headphone jack is shorting out, giving me right channel only about 40% of the time, and it's worsening. A repair job will probably cost around $100.

Item the third: my poor little scooter. She's taken the winter hard, which is all my fault. Her electric starter doesn't work, her headlight is growing dim, and the headlight cowling is damaged. Duke wants to buy her off me as-is, but I don't want to sell him a damaged piece of equipment. Plus, I probably won't part with her until summer, when I can get my motorcycle license and another bike. My parking permit doesn't expire until July, anyway.

Item the fourth: my car's tachometer. This is nothing serious and actually quite amusing. For no reason whatsoever, the tach will spaz, going from 1,000 to 8,000 RPM. Then, it will drop off completely. It will repeat this cycle several times per drive.

Item the end.

The Noose - A Perfect Circle

2005-02-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

Blood.

That's all these hands can draw.

Tears and starlight are the only languages I understand anymore.

Triangle - Dredg

2005-02-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

There's something unusually amusing about listening to a march tune on the classical radio station while driving slowly through campus during the early morning influx of students.

My lit prof is handing back a quiz I never took. Leave it to my luck to miss one day due to illness and lose a quiz grade for it. It was most likely a very simple quiz, too, as it was over A Midsummer Night's Dream. Definitely not one of Shakespeare's more difficult plays.

I have to sing a solo today in voice class. For all my voluntary singing around campus and in the car (much to the chagrin of all within earshot), I'm scared as hell to actually stand in front of people with no other purpose but to sing. The bloody thing is outside my range, too. Treble D = bad for me. Still, if this class can improve my singing ability, I'm willing to endure any amount of humiliation.

Some random people came by my house last night selling magazines. Rather than refuse them outright, I cut them checks I'm going to cancel. Call me a sadist, but I wanted their little sign on the door, as it wards future solicitors from crashing my crib, yo.

The Panda is calling my name. Have I the power to resist her expensive call?

2005-01-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

Bands // Song Titles
Created by BourdiezFreak and taken 20332 times on bzoink!
Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:	Radiohead
Are you female or male:	There There (The Boney King of Nowhere
Describe yourself:	Subterranean Homesick Alien
How do some people feel about you:	Vegetable
How do you feel about yourself:	In Limbo
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:	Like Spinning Plates
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:	(Nice Dream)
Describe where you want to be:	Sail to the Moon -Brush the Cobwebs of the Sky-
Describe what you want to be:	Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was
Describe how you live:	Knives Out
Describe how you love:	You
Share a few words of wisdom:	Everything in its Right Place
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

You Can't Handle This - Five Iron Frenzy

2005-01-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

I'm once again amazed by how truly solid this band is. All silliness aside, they are an excellent group of musicians. Electric Boogaloo is definitely one of the best albums produced by a Christian band in the last ten years.

Anyway, yeah. I went to the music education practicum today (at 6:40 in the thrice-cursed AM) only to realize I don't have time for it this semester. Lots of work, most of it dealing with the irritating practical, professional aspect of teaching. As Joe is wont to say, f/ck t3h m4nn in his a$$0Rs. If only the system could be completely exorcised from our lives.

Good news, though: I had my first percussion lesson yesterday. Eric taught me the basics of marimba technique and gave me some exercises to practice. Huttah for learning new ways to make music.

Oh, and I have a sore throat, and nearly passed out at work on Monday. I had to have a coworker drive me home. I rule.

Pantomime - Incubus

2005-01-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

You're the Tortured Intellectual!
Take What sort of Hipster are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

You're sensitive, you're emotional, and you wonder why everyone else in the world exists on a different plane. You cannot eat, breathe, or sleep without analyzing each action to death. You're usually sombre, depressed, lethargic, but you can be nearly glad from time to time. You wear whatever you can find on your cluttered bedroom floor. You carry books, notepads, reading glasses with you wherever you go. You have friends, but only a few who truly get where you're coming from. You frequent coffee shops, libraries, and the less crowded bars. You're obsessed with past people, past ideas, past lives. You wish you could die and be reborn as Jack Kerouac.

Needles and Pins - Deftones

2005-01-19T13:08:00.001-07:00

My head is finally coming up for air, and (fortunately for all those who rely on this blog for satirical inspiration) I've time for an entry.

So I passed the audition, which means I'm admitted into the music education program, the college of music, and the percussion ensemble. I'm also scheduled for private lessons weekly with the department head, so hopefully I'll be able to get my orchestral percussion skills up to speed. As an added benefit, I'm required to attend a minimum of 15 performances a semester, so I'll be hearing a lot of good music, and maybe even playing some. You all must come to my concerts and recitals.

In more pressing news (the kind you've all been anticipating restlessly), I had the promised conversation with Kara. We discussed histories, dispositions, and other necessary topics. Then, after confirming our mutual interest in one another, we brought up the subject of a relationship. She said she needs time to unravel her thoughts and sort out the confusion from her past relationship, but she also said the possibility of an "us" exists.

To round out this cataclysmic week of doom, the bassist for a local band called ...In the Red showed up in my Jazz Pedagogy class saying they need a new drummer. He gave me their demo to check out, and it's pretty solid stuff. Definite Incubus influence, and the singer's good, so I'm going to talk to him more in-depth tomorrow.

So there you have it, kids: this most insane of weeks couched in stoic terms lest you all think I'm becoming excited about something.

Apocalypse Please - Muse

2005-01-16T02:49:00.000-07:00

Events have quickly overtaken me.

Tomorrow afternoon (well, this afternoon if we're going by your lousy Roman calendar system), I'm going to determine the exact nature of my relationship with Kara. I posted of her boyfriend a few weeks ago, but have since learned it wasn't a serious relationship. Yes, the correct verb form is past tense. Apparently, the fool's lackluster attempts to maintain contact with her over break have severed what affection she had for him. Now, with the events of the past week giving me much renewed hope, it's time for the emo kid to cast himself before the council of the fates once again.

Foolish? Most likely.

But really, what have I to lose? Methinks my risk/reward ratio in this particular situation is actually favorable, which is more than I can afford to pass up. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I wouldn't be doing this if I thought it completely impossible. Mel told me not to hope. I think I'm going to thumb my nose at her incessant pessimism this one time and take a risk.

Besides, her eyes are far too dangerous for me to ignore.

2005-01-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

Highlight for fun!

You Are 20 Years Old

20

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Time Is Running Out - Muse

2005-01-10T13:48:00.000-07:00

So it's been a good break. Only a week left to it, though, which is not good. My audition for the percussion studio comes at the break's end, and I'm substantially nervous about it. I'm going in several times this week for practice on the timpani and marimba, but those pieces are easy enough. It's the snare solo that concerns me. It's at a fast tempo, and there are multiple 16th-note flams involved.

Practice, practice....

So, um, is it bad that I may be getting interested in a girl younger than Ryan?

Could she fall for someone with such a high nerd score?

2005-01-05T18:51:00.000-07:00

You scored as Emerald. Positive yet caring, sensitive and simply divine, emerald-types have the qualities of a perfect friend. They value loyalty and inner contentment, and have time to stand by and listen when someone has a hardship to face. They also seem to have a good memory aswell, as it is something the gems themselves promote.

See All Results/Comment

Emerald

73%

Ruby

70%

Aquamarine

66%

Athemyst

53%

Garnet

50%

Celestite

50%

Peridot

50%

Topaz

43%

Which Mystic Gem Stone Relates To You?
created with QuizFarm.com

I suppose it's no coincidence my birthstone is the emerald. Or is it?

Funny Thing About Love - Rabbit Hole Radio Theatre

2005-01-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

So they aired my episode of Major Arcana before they originally predicted. I missed the official airing, but it can be streamed here. You should all listen to it so you can laugh at my poor voice acting. The overall editing is imperfect, and they used too much reverb, but it's still an enjoyable listen.

New Slang - The Shins

2005-01-02T02:39:00.000-07:00

I hate money.

I'm going to fill out the scholarship application for CSU so they can get me some money. I'm tired of paying for school. But that's not why I hate money. I hate money because I spend it. Because I spend it, it controls me. I don't like being controlled by paper with dead people printed in distasteful colors on it.

Anyway, this is my official "excellent forethought" to any and all girls who turned down the position as my girlfriend. Had you accepted and held the position until last night, the kiss at midnight enforced by tradition would have left you infected with a respitory virus. So, good thinking.

Oh yeah, I'm going to apply for KCSU's DJ training program this semester. Should be a good time, and I can push local groups like PMC and Depeche Mode. Mel, I want you to call in sometime when I'm on the air so everybody in Fort Collins can hear your killer phone sex voice.

New links, too. Check them out.