Bad Things to Such Good People - Pedro the Lion
I saw Garden State today with the crew. A great movie, but unfortunately, it sparked a ridiculous amount of introspection. I will now regurgitate the semi-digested thoughts I've been kicking around since the film ended.
Thought the first: I surround myself with people that make me feel inferior in a way I care about. The archetype of this realization is the Dork Crew. A quick (and incomplete) breakdown:
Patrick: musician of an order I can't hope to reach; artist of the same order.
Ryan: my superior in music, art, film, photography, and the way of the female.
Ethan: a far better drummer and artist.
Jonny: dwarfs me in voice acting, drumming, and humor.
Josh: a superior pilot and socialite.
I could list every person I consider a friend, but I think it would be redundant in making my point. And please, for the love of God, don't bother commenting with a list of my good qualities. If you haven't yet realized it, encouragement of any forms hasn't the slightest effect on me. I'm just trying to understand more about me and why I have this tendency.
Thought the second: I have the exact opposite problem of Zach Braff's character in Garden State. He was numb to absolutely everything; I'm numb to absolutely nothing. My brother termed it accurately when he said I was hyper-sensitive. I'm perpetually conscious of the people around me, what they might be thinking about me, and how those thoughts might affect my life. I'm sure most people experience this to some degree, but with me it borders on debilitating. In addition, my vulnerablility to my own emotions seems to be far greater than most people. Some random person could give me a haughty look on campus and it would bend me out of shape for at least the rest of the day. Imagine, then, how something like being stood up for a date by a girl I barely knew messed with me. Being this ridiculously sensitive and "emo" is going to be the death of me.
Thought the third: Watching the casual, off-beat romance between Andrew and Sam in the film was completely bittersweet. I've always been a sap for such things, but I no longer believe in anything like that awaiting me in the future. I know, I made the same statement last year, but each passing year seems to drive the point a little closer to home. Eventually, it will sever the stubborn roots of the rose bush I've tended for so many years.
"She said, 'Even now, there is still hope,' but I cannot see it. It is long since I had any hope."
Thought the first: I surround myself with people that make me feel inferior in a way I care about. The archetype of this realization is the Dork Crew. A quick (and incomplete) breakdown:
Patrick: musician of an order I can't hope to reach; artist of the same order.
Ryan: my superior in music, art, film, photography, and the way of the female.
Ethan: a far better drummer and artist.
Jonny: dwarfs me in voice acting, drumming, and humor.
Josh: a superior pilot and socialite.
I could list every person I consider a friend, but I think it would be redundant in making my point. And please, for the love of God, don't bother commenting with a list of my good qualities. If you haven't yet realized it, encouragement of any forms hasn't the slightest effect on me. I'm just trying to understand more about me and why I have this tendency.
Thought the second: I have the exact opposite problem of Zach Braff's character in Garden State. He was numb to absolutely everything; I'm numb to absolutely nothing. My brother termed it accurately when he said I was hyper-sensitive. I'm perpetually conscious of the people around me, what they might be thinking about me, and how those thoughts might affect my life. I'm sure most people experience this to some degree, but with me it borders on debilitating. In addition, my vulnerablility to my own emotions seems to be far greater than most people. Some random person could give me a haughty look on campus and it would bend me out of shape for at least the rest of the day. Imagine, then, how something like being stood up for a date by a girl I barely knew messed with me. Being this ridiculously sensitive and "emo" is going to be the death of me.
Thought the third: Watching the casual, off-beat romance between Andrew and Sam in the film was completely bittersweet. I've always been a sap for such things, but I no longer believe in anything like that awaiting me in the future. I know, I made the same statement last year, but each passing year seems to drive the point a little closer to home. Eventually, it will sever the stubborn roots of the rose bush I've tended for so many years.
"She said, 'Even now, there is still hope,' but I cannot see it. It is long since I had any hope."
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