"Psst!"
"...?"
"Yeah, I'm still here."
"..I know."
"Do you?"
"I do."
"Just thought I'd let you know I'm coming out for air tonight."
"Like last night?"
"And the night before."
"......."
"Why so down? You love me."
"No, not really."
"Oh, sure you do. I'm the one that keeps you from being hurt."
"Us."
"Right. Us. I keep forgetting. I read what your brother wrote."
"He had a good point supported by good logic."
"Dipshit."
"What? He did."
"Since when has any of that mattered?"
"......."
"Since when has logic, argument, or reason ever been a factor in this?"
"Even this must be governed."
"Not by Reason. She is barren and a virgin. She stands against everything you do."
"Which is why you exist."
"Precisely."
"As Chaos is the reason I exist."
"What are the odds?"
"I don't particularly care for him."
"Of course not. Why else would you even listen to me?"
"Because I'm sick of this."
"Right again."
"Why must I agree with you to be right?"
"Because, my dear little dreamer, I keep us sane."
"Not by yourself."
"No, the yin must balance the yang, but in this case, you only exist to provide the ideology to my reality."
"So I always lose."
"It's why you were created."
"......."
"You don't have to like it."
"Can we attain what we seek if I always lose?"
"Since when did we both pursue your diseased little visions?"
"You see that chair?"
"Yes."
"Wouldn't it be better if she was sitting there?"
"She who?"
"Anoma Melyanna."
"Another phantom?"
"No, the hope that births them. Now answer the question."
"......."
"See? We both have something to gain."
"Soo desu."
"So maybe you should help out."
"Idiot. You think I want this for us any more than you? This isn't my choice."
"It isn't?"
"Surrender is the only option. The universe is too powerful to master."
"...So Wayne was right."
"Hai."

NP: Sing Once for Me - Joy Electric

So I was, shock of all shocks, somewhat overly pessimistic regarding my odds of landing a part in the radio drama programs. I received a call this evening offering me two roles, one to be recorded in August and the other in October. I need to call the guy back tomorrow and tell him I accept. Huttah for voice acting experience!

I might be getting a job as a secret shopper soon. Some guy e-mailed me about the opportunity, so I jumped at it. It's a pretty posh set-up, from what I understand. All expenses paid, you get to keep what you purchase (whether it be a meal, clothes, groceries, or a movie ticket), and you evaluate the helpfulness and competence of the employees. I look like a doof, so my disguise is already in place. It pays between $150-$400 a week, depending on how many jobs I take, and the hours are flexible. The more I consider it, the more exciting it seems. I could get paid to evaluate the efficiency of corporate America. I really want this job.

I have acquired both a drum and swing acolyte in the same person of Melissa Vespertine. I took her on her inaugural trip to Colorado Drum and Percussion today, where she acquired her first pair of sticks and a drum pad. Clark was grumpy, but I think it's because he doesn't like me. I haven't given him any reason to like me, and people like to think the worst about me (despite the fact I was wearing my friendly "notice me" shirt today). Anyway, it will be very good to see her more often, and it's always good to teach people things they don't yet know.

Oh, and a quiz I just took.

Chesire Cat


You're an eccentric, oddball, weirdo. I love you! You tend not to worry too much about the things that happen in life because you know most of it's not going to matter in the end anyway. However, sometimes you can be a bit too weird and people just want to see the real you...

Which character from Alice In Wonderland are you?

NP: 3 Libras - A Perfect Circle

Uf. Here I am, awake at 7:53 AM. I've been awake for about an hour. I was awake five hours ago. Insanely tired, but unable to sleep. Still that way. I don't know why. At least I'll be sure to get Kill Bill back on time this way.

Not everyone finds the kind of love they want. Then again, so far, no-one has had to settle for me, either.

To play the game like I've nothing to lose. Dive into the ultimate paradox with me awhile, will you? Nothing could be further from the truth until you reach the walls. Spin the magazine, maybe this time I'll get the empty chamber. Just once, I'd like to load the damned gun myself, but then I'd have something to lose. Must play by the rules, even if nobody knows what they forbid. Hammer strike, fire blaze, world shatter, vision blur. Nurture insanity to escape it. Ah, my brother, there are too few of us left, but enough to fulfill your prophecy. Soon our flame will vanish from the world's night side, and no eye will blink.

NP: Everything - Fold Zandura

So the radio auditions today were a waste of 4.5 hours of my life. I showed up half an hour late, so I missed the first round of readings. The part I received for my first contained five one-sentence lines spoken in a state of confusion; not the best situation to demonstrate acting talent. So I was a little disappointed and irritated (the latter coming from the fact that I didn't perform the reading until 2:45), but stuck around. The second and final part they gave me was actually a step backward: the part only had two lines. I decided to use a British cockney accent just so I could show them I have more skill besides basic literacy. Then, when we step up to the microphone, the director asks me to read another part (for which I had not prepared). Ordinarily not a problem, but the part was a large African-American man, which requires a completely different voice (think The Green Mile). The real challenge came when my two characters spoke to each other. Switching such drastically different personas and voices with no prior preparation isn't easy. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be getting a role.

C'est la vie.

How neat. I'm impressed.
How did you come to be so blessed?
You're a star. You blaze
Out like a sharp machine,
Like a whale's moan.
Well, I'm here if that's what you want.

Here we are.
You're pins, I'm needles.
Let's play.

Here we are.
You want this?
Then come on.

Tune out
Everyone in the crowd
Because now it's just me and you.
Come fall in love with the sound.
Make a pact with each other
When no-one's around.
Put the cross between me and you.
Who wants to fuck with us now?

NP: We Laugh Indoors - Death Cab for Cutie

Bagel bites are an ingenious invention. A protein-y solution to late-night hunger pangs. Yes, I just said "protein-y."

We saw "Troy" this afternoon. An entertaining epic, but I'd only give it 2.5 stars (out of a maximum potential award capacity of exactly 4.0 stars). Eric Bana and Brad Pitt were excellent, as expected, but seeing them juxtaposed with Orlando Bloom was nearly comical. The role of Paris was a challenge for our dear little elf, to be sure. He had to use all three of his facial expressions, but they consoled him somewhat by having his weapon of choice be (three guesses, Cletus)....a bow. The pretty boy must have his perks (and the queen of Sparta, seemingly). I found Briseis more attractive than Helen, Agamemnon was a little wart, and the gods were disappointingly silent. But we went to the matinee showing, so I don't think I wasted the money.

The ridiculous danger of jailbait was made clear as crystal to me at Noodles tonight. About halfway through our meal, this breathtakingly beautiful girl sat at the table next to us. I usually try to refrain from hyperbole when talking about beauty, but this girl definitely warrants such a description; I've seriously only seen that kind of feminine beauty a few other times in my entire life. Yes, I'm being witheringly superficial at this point, but being an introverted people-watcher doesn't leave you many chances to actually talk to people. Anyway, I tie off and start shooting up little doses at a time, the usual procedure. Then she's joined by her little brother and her mother. It was then I realized: she's probably 15, 16 at most. But our eyes met twice, and all my capacity for rational thought was quickly consumed by those deep, dark, mysterious planets looming so very close across a galaxy of impossibilities.

So I was "winked" at. No, not in real life (c'mon, it's me). I've a profile on Match.com ("Ha ha!" "Dude, shut up!"), and some girl from Cheyenne "winked" at me. This essentially means she wants to make contact with me, but I don't know that I want to pay $25/month just for more opportunities to fall on my face. I've found the ghosts of some interesting girls haunting those digital corridors, but they haven't been active for months, so I'm thinking they realized only pathetic, desperate, socially-leperous freaks use online dating sites. And they just might be right.

I should just buy The Sims(TM) and create the life I should have had.

Cast a calming apple
Up and over satellites
To draw out the timid wild one
To convince you it's alright.

And I listen for the whisper
Of your sweet insanity
While I formulate denials
Of your effect on me.

You're a stranger, so
What do I care?
Vanish today.
Not the first time I hear
Or the last.

What am I do to with all this silence?

Shy away,
Shy away, phantom.
Run away, terrified child.
Won't you move away,
You fucking tornado?
I'm better off without you
Tearing my will down.

NP: Bonus Track - Bjork

I seem to be perpetually hung over this existential fallacy. I've been chasing ghosts for years, seeking something real, but I now realize most of them were spectres of my own making. I'm stuck in a paradox. The vanishing of one of these laughing entities leads me to conjure another, which I then pursue until the morning light causes it to dissipate, becoming one with the virgin air.

And people wonder why I prefer the night.

NP: Wishing Well - Phantom Planet

9.2%. That's it. I've spent more of my life playing sports. The word "failure" comes to mind.

The night calls to me again. The sweet breath of summer fills my lungs, gently teasing me with unspoken promises. If only the story would go right for once. I can't force it, though.

A wish as far as I can tell
Inside this dried-up wishing well.

NP: Teenage Suicide - Unwritten Law

No, I suppose life can't be like that, but still, it's a nice thought sometimes.

Is it an attainable goal? Even logic wars with itself over this. Aristotle would say it is. Anything which can be conceived exists, even if only as a concept. The Boolean school of thought would make use of the existential fallacy. So which is it? Does it have to be one or the other? Can anything partially exist? Not by the first law of metaphysics, but this technically isn't a metaphysical problem. Ideas don't obey the laws of the universe.

What is the difference between a dream and an ideal? She believes in one but not the other. Not a murderer of dreamers, just fairy godmothers and prince charmings. Heaven knows every time I've denounced a fairy-tale ending, my katana has been at my own throat. Such a weapon can only be used against oneself, but who is the victor in the end? Both have played eulogies, both have tasted blood, both have gripped the sword. An endless battle between two immortals.

Though the fate of the universe hangs in the balance, crickets will still play their songs when the grass is long and green on the graves.

NP: Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song) - Incubus

It's almost like fighting a hydra. Strike one down and two more appear in its place. Fascinating. I just hope I have enough nails.

NP: What Does Your Soul Look Like? - DJ Shadow

Booyah! My final astronomy homework assignment of the semester has been completed. No more tedious equations and cryptic formulae. At least until the final.

Considering all the work I mentioned last time, you'd think I'd have enough to deal with. And I do. But I just couldn't stop myself from agreeing to help Bryan with his final scene. He's going to call me tomorrow with the info. He seems to be having trouble finding people, though, so I don't know if it will actually happen. Still, with all the stuff going on, what's memorizing a one-act play? Besides, it's theatre, so it's more fun than work.

Val and I had a good time at Alley Cat, though the scheduled poetry reading never took place. Kind of an anticlimax, but we had a good conversation. Much to my dismay, I learned her "Seen Movie" index is critically low. It doesn't even include essentials like Donnie Darko or Kill Bill. At least she's seen Amelie and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. There is some hope for her.

NP: Triangle - Dredg

I'm beginning to harbor a murderous hatred for every single virus programmer ever to disgrace the sewers of the information highway. The day after my laptop was restored (read: yesterday), my rent's machine decided to ingest some digital Taco Bell. The damn thing takes over 60 seconds to load any program (assuming, against odds, it actually obeys the .exe command). I should become a cyber ninja, assassinating all these meddlesome bastards.

I need to find a driver for my wireless card, or I'm doomed to another week of actually paying attention in class.

The judges decided my accomplishment was indeed worth the Awesome Prize. The award ceremony is in 15.5 hours. Yay.