Last Goodbye - Kenny Wayne Shepherd

At times, the truth can do more for you than set you free. It can let you see through walls, stop time, fill holes in your memory, and hear words in silence.

The downside: it can sometimes tempt you to listen to bad music. I'm not saying Kenny Wayne is bad, but the footsteps of two years past are coming down the hallway. Fortunately, I have enough stamina to outrun them.

Grey

New lyrics.

***
The final bell has faded away,
Flowing into oblivion
Like a river through its delta.

No motion.
No thought.
No vision.
No emotion.

The symphony is over.
Haunting melodies
And dark chords are silent.

But the metronome continues on.
The metronome continues on.
The metronome continues on.
The metronome continues on.
The metronome continues on.
***

Waiting for a Superman - The Flaming Lips

A samurai would rather die than surrender his sword. Courage and honor require him to fight until his final breath, never releasing the ivory hilt of the tempered steel blade. The katana is the soul of the samurai. It contains his essence, his will, his honor. To surrender his sword is to surrender himself, and no samurai would ever possess such weakness.

A shame I'm not samurai.

When the only blood staining your sword and your clothing is your own, the realization that it isn't warrior's blood is inevitable. No amount of bleeding will make it so.

Courage and honor are beautiful things.

Frou Frou is wrong. There is no beauty in the breakdown. I was a fool for believing there was. We are all allowed to be fools at times. It's part of life, except when foolishness demands your life as its price.

The power of dreams can be found in raindrops, in stars, in music, in a spoken word, in a single glance. But when dreams die, that power becomes a venom that slowly drains the color from the world. That which inhabits the beauties in life can so quickly destroy them.

To those of you with the strength of character to withstand such things, I offer a toast. May your strength never betray you, may your dreams always be worth dying for, and may the beauty of the world never leave your sight.

Tell everybody waiting for Superman
That they should try to hold on as best they can.
He hasn't dropped them,
Forgot them,
Or anything.
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift.

A Whisper, A Gunshot - Poland's Mighty Cavalry

In honor of my new link.

I'm done bleeding out in a Styrofoam pitcher.

The Spark That Bled - The Flaming Lips

It's supposed to snow Saturday. I suppose I should by a cover for my scooter so it doesn't freeze to death. I should get one for me, too, but I doubt the local motorcycle dealer sells what I'm looking for.

A pop-up ad featuring a woman in a form-fitting leotard advertising an amazing new weight loss pill fails to warm.

Suit up, kids. Time to get chlorine in your eyes and your fingers all wrinkly.

Falling Away with You - Muse

I did my small part to prove to the Student Fee Review Board that the small amount of monetary support they channel into the theatre department isn't going to waste. This consisted of putting on a neutral mask and proceeding to unnerve said committee slightly with eerie movements. Anything for the theatre.

Afterward, I once again confirmed my position as the world's most Platonic pimp. We passed Toy's Thai on the way back from the performance at the UNC, and Jen announced her intention to eat there immediately after we got back to campus. Stephanie had never had Toy's but loves Thai food, so she jumped on board. Naturally, the emo kid invited himself, so off we went. So yeah, I had dinner with two girls tonight and am feeling no less lonely for it. Score one more for the Introvert King.

Now on to the philosophy take-home essay midterm.

Caesar and Barry - The Billy Nayer Show

All life can be predicted. It's scientific. To experience it for yourself, follow the new link entitled "Game of Life."

soRrow - Fold Zandura

It's about to break. I can't say exactly when or where, but it will soon.

When you ask "What?" I will say "Something."
When you ask "Why?" I will say "Because it must."
When you ask "Why must it?" I will say "It is too heavy."

Passive - A Perfect Circle

How does one go about finding certainty about one's own reason to exist?

Seriously, follow this thought awhile. Is it required of every human that we have a purpose? Yes, I know the verses about knitting in the womb and having plans to prosper, but suppose there exist cracks in the fabric of the plane of souls. Is it possible for a human life to be a fluke of [insert appropriate power here]? How can it be proven that each and every one of us was intended to live?

I was told last week that I should go into science because of my brain. I have the potential to help a lot of people by becoming a medical scientist or something. My obsession with the arts isn't a waste of my abilities, per se, but it seems like a mundane goal.

Fuck that.

But it did give me pause, and furthered this mix of ponderings and emotions which have relentlessly plagued me for well over a month. My brother has abilities similar to my own, and he chose to do something "responsible" with them by going into engineering. I, on the other hand, have chosen to pursue the arts, something a friend of mine recently said is "pure narcissism."

But I fail at them. Consistently.

So why is it my only true passions also happen to be the sorts of things I can't succeed in? "Sorry, kid. You don't tell stories well enough." "You're too cerebral." "You're not where you should be for the amount of time you've played." If I pursued a career in science or engineering, I wouldn't hear this sort of thing. But then, I would also pursue something completely cold and empty to me. My current pursuit may be leaving me cold and empty, but the arts are the only living thing left in this world.

So, once again, I find myself at the same impass. I can't measure up to anything I want to, but I excel at things I despise. This complete paradox I call my existence leads to some unhappy conclusions. If I can't understand me, how can anyone else? Where do I belong? Why do I exist? Was I even supposed to exist?

You fucking disappoint me.
Maybe you're better off this way.

Push the Limits - Enigma

You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian

You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party. Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both. You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter. You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!

What political persuasion are you?

Cower before my hair!

Weak and Powerless - A Perfect Circle

I listen to APC a lot.

I got into a debate over God and religion on the CSU forums today. You can read all about it here. I despise and avoid online debates, but I didn't want the girl to take the heat by herself. I'm still waiting for Jesse to give me a solid answer; I don't think he well. All I got was an anonymous "bad reputation" note saying "Just keep believing in those fairy tales, kid." They didn't even have the decency to spell "faerie" correctly. Not exactly the sort of thing that makes a cold, windy day better.

I've decided to change my major to music, but I'm not sure what concentration yet. I'm leaning toward music education, so I can get teaching courses in. My advisor said the classes I've already taken seem tailor-made for a music major, anyway, so I'm good to go. I have some catching up to do, though, so I don't know if I'll get out in four years, but shigata ga nai.

It feels good to finally have a solid direction in my life. I feel like I'm finally coming into my own as a person, like I'm finding the channel I'm supposed to flow in. The idea of "music education major with minors in theater and English" resonates with me.

"Gladly woulde he lerne, and gladly teache."