Eriatarka - The Mars Volta

I went to the first official CSU forum gathering social thing tonight at Old Chicago. Surprisingly, the person I thought I would abhor the most (judging from his posts) was the one I ended up talking to the most. He's a pagan, vehemently anti-Christ, and bassist in a local death metal band (Porcelain Dolls for you local music buffs), but I found both him and his girlfriend intelligent and intriguing. We discussed a wide variety of topics over the 2 hours, from music to logic to pet spiders. An interesting evening. I decided to refrain from giving out my real name, so everyone still thinks my name is Samovar.

So very many things I want to say, but I am bound to silence. Ah, tempus, thou art ever my adversary.

Motorscooter - The Lucksmiths

It seems CSU has reverted to an earlier stage of development regarding their VPN system. Instead of simply downloading it, one now must seek out the Computer Assistance Desk in Eddy and talk to a complete stranger to acquire a copy of the software. And the disk doesn't even work very well. I hate XP Home and shareware.

My dog told me I'm a lardass tonight. I guess I should be American and blame King Soopers for their day-old doughnut specials.

Inside every fat man
Is another man who's thin.
Even his own mother
Wouldn't recognize him.

Outside every thin man
Is another man who's fat.
Only a mother could love
A face like that.

I failed my first quiz in Acting today. Bloody instructor actually expects us to read the text.

Off to sleep for my 8 AM history lesson!

Wandering Star - Portishead

Curse whatever aristocrat devised the suburban aesthetic ideal of the "lawn."

I don't really want to go back to school tomorrow.

Why do matchboxes have serial numbers?

Meanwhile, at the Bar, a Drunkard Muses - Arab Strap

This is the entry where I post episodes of Cat and Girl which I find particularly relevant to my life.

Girl's Elementary Schooling
Sweet Dreams of Cat and Girl
Cat and Girl are Relative
Cat and Girl Spin Their Wheels
Boy's Bad Day
Oxford English Cat and Girl
Boy Gets a Lemon
Cat and Girl's Heartwarming Thanksgiving Allegory (this is for you, comrade)
Grrrl's Scouting
Girl's in a Cafeteria Fight
Cat Finds the Devil in the Details
Girl's Class Reunion
Cat and Girl Feign Interest

Subterranean Homesick Alien - Radiohead

I received an e-mail from the all-seeing University FYI system a few days ago. One of the messages read thus:

Having trouble making friends?

Feeling lonely?

Anxious about deadlines?

Coping with stress by not eating or eating too much?

Feeling down or depressed?

Lost an important relationship?

Feeling isolated and/or missing home?

Having difficulty getting your needs met?

Have a low opinion of yourself?

Want new ways of relating or making connections?

I suppose it isn't a good sign when you can answer "yes" to every question on an ad for the University Counseling Center. It claimed to employ "people who REALLY understand." Yes, I'm sure they understand how to listen to an emo kid whine for an hour and scribble a prescription to buoy his floundering world with a lifevest of chemicals. Toguro.

I was laughed at today by a pair of girls in my math class for humming the melody line from Radiohead's How to Disappear Completely to myself.

I find it the ultimate in amusing ironies that I sit here complaining about all this to an electronic, public journal when it's perfectly obvious what my problem is. A shame the solution doesn't exist.

Stop Whispering - Radiohead

All purchases are final.

Hail hipsters.

A Lack of Color - Death Cab for Cutie

Why is it I can never sleep on the nights I need it most? Maybe I should take to drinking just so I can pass out when I require unconsciousness.

The Vagrant Cafe is really starting to grate on my nerves. I remember when I felt comfortable posting there, but those days are long gone. Horton has spread like a cancer from the Culture forum to the rest of the board, and his flamboyant asshole schtick is giving license for the other elite hipster fucks on the board to bounce around all they want. There isn't any room for disagreement or simply liking something; if it isn't pretentious avant-garde horse fæces, they completely shred your opinion. I wouldn't even care if they ignored it, but, like all post-modern simians, they must assert their dominance from behind their keyboards. I probably won't go to the great Vagrant gathering of '05 for fear of losing control and severely injuring one or more members of the above category.

Okay, enough ranting. Time to re-shoot the sleeping scene. Maybe I'll get it right this time.

Amie - Damien Rice

So we're adding insult to injury now. In addition to the ridiculous expense of workout clothes, I was forced to do something I haven't done in nearly five years: purchase something with a Nike logo embroidered on it. Shigata ga nai.

Okay, so the Day Two evaluation: Asian Civ is bloody early, but seems like it could be interesting. Philosophy looks promising, but we're spending the first few days going over arguments, which will be review for me. A familiar face popped up in that class, but I don't know if she recognized me.

And that's my life for the next sixteen weeks. Quite a discouraging thought.

Cold and Ugly - Tool

Okay, time for what you've all been waiting for: my "first day back" post.

Music theory should be fairly simple. Traditional lecture-style presentation, material I'm familiar with and (more importantly) care about, small-to-medium-size class. Nothing too complicated or strange.

Acting I was a complete shock. The instructor is a borderline fruitcake, big into motion acting and dance. For example, he wants us to wear leotards to class, and a portion of each class will be devoted to yoga exercises. Somehow, I don't think this is how Dr. Jones would've handled this class, but unfortunately she's no longer at the helm. Needless to say, I'm not sure I'll ever reach the "leotard" stage, but he said shorts and a tank top were fine "for starters." The only thing missing from the stereotypical acting coach is a lisp.

Patterns of Phenomena should prove interesting, if a little challenging. It's about number theory, infinity, statistics, stuff like that. The fun part is our book came with a little kit for building Platonic solids. The instructor is straight out of a teen/college movie: the geeky math chick. Her mannerisms remind me a lot of Alyson Hannigan's character in the American Pie series.

Tomorrow's lineup consists of Asian Civilizations I and Introduction to Philosophy. History has always been somewhat interesting to me, so that should be okay. Judging from the booklist, we'll be reading a lot of Plato in Philosophy, which is fine by me.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the killer sequel "My Second First Day Back," appearing only on this little digital sheet of existence.

His body still contains the breath
Of life within its feeble frame,
And though he longs for precious death,
He still must linger in this game.

Bad Things to Such Good People - Pedro the Lion

I saw Garden State today with the crew. A great movie, but unfortunately, it sparked a ridiculous amount of introspection. I will now regurgitate the semi-digested thoughts I've been kicking around since the film ended.

Thought the first: I surround myself with people that make me feel inferior in a way I care about. The archetype of this realization is the Dork Crew. A quick (and incomplete) breakdown:

Patrick: musician of an order I can't hope to reach; artist of the same order.
Ryan: my superior in music, art, film, photography, and the way of the female.
Ethan: a far better drummer and artist.
Jonny: dwarfs me in voice acting, drumming, and humor.
Josh: a superior pilot and socialite.

I could list every person I consider a friend, but I think it would be redundant in making my point. And please, for the love of God, don't bother commenting with a list of my good qualities. If you haven't yet realized it, encouragement of any forms hasn't the slightest effect on me. I'm just trying to understand more about me and why I have this tendency.

Thought the second: I have the exact opposite problem of Zach Braff's character in Garden State. He was numb to absolutely everything; I'm numb to absolutely nothing. My brother termed it accurately when he said I was hyper-sensitive. I'm perpetually conscious of the people around me, what they might be thinking about me, and how those thoughts might affect my life. I'm sure most people experience this to some degree, but with me it borders on debilitating. In addition, my vulnerablility to my own emotions seems to be far greater than most people. Some random person could give me a haughty look on campus and it would bend me out of shape for at least the rest of the day. Imagine, then, how something like being stood up for a date by a girl I barely knew messed with me. Being this ridiculously sensitive and "emo" is going to be the death of me.

Thought the third: Watching the casual, off-beat romance between Andrew and Sam in the film was completely bittersweet. I've always been a sap for such things, but I no longer believe in anything like that awaiting me in the future. I know, I made the same statement last year, but each passing year seems to drive the point a little closer to home. Eventually, it will sever the stubborn roots of the rose bush I've tended for so many years.

"She said, 'Even now, there is still hope,' but I cannot see it. It is long since I had any hope."

Brushstroke: New Heart Shadow - Dredg

Next time anybody sees the Angel of Migraines, please let me know. I want to sock that bastard one for this evening. Not only was it highly unenjoyable, he forced me to mess up my sleep schedule. Now there's very little chance I'll have it straightened out by Monday. Damn residual is still lingering, too.

Oh, and any of you smarter programming people out there, what is FTP? Blogger says that's the only way I can get rid of that bloody Navbar at the top of my blog which is conveniently obscuring the blog's title. I want it dead.

Man, I'm grumpy tonight, but an unexpected and unwelcome migraine will have that effect on a person, ne?

A spot of good news, though: the sysad for CSU's new forum is looking for moderators, and I sent him a PM telling him I'm interested in being one. His reply was enthusiastic enough, so maybe I'll get to be a shepherd of online lemmings.

Influence - Jurassic Five

7:00 AM and I'm still awake. I rule.

What's keeping me awake? Hunger, for one. I don't want to eat anything, so I'll probably just have a glass of chocolate milk and turn in.

Another thing keeping me up: it is my firm belief I was asked on a date earlier this evening.

Awhile ago, I made contact with a girl on Hotornot. I sent her an e-mail, she never responded, I wrote it off, no big deal. About a month ago, said girl randomly added me to her MSN contact list. We've talked a few times, and she seems pleasant enough. A freshman at CSU Pueblo, into dancing, claims to be a natural musician, et al. I was talking with her tonight when she mentioned she was watching R&B videos to learn the dances. I brought up my penchant for swing dancing and complete ignorance of R&B dancing. She promptly asked if I would like to learn and told me to come to a specific club on Saturday night if I did.

Not sure how to field this one, kids. Any ideas?

Let Down - Radiohead

Thank God for the manual override system installed in every explosive device, even metaphoric ones. Bloody plastiques can blow your world to hell if you're not careful.

Take a Picture - Filter

This whole household in suburbia is getting rather irritating. I don't mind most of it, but mowing the lawn has never been a chore I remotely enjoyed. Every time I do it, I reflect at least a dozen times on what a useless and inane task it truly is. My brother even wrote a haiku about it in sixth grade.

The dynamics of relativity are again becoming clear to me. School begins in nine days. I don't want school to begin in nine days. It's some consolation that I'll have regular access to Panda Express, but even good eats aren't enough to placate my animosity. Maybe my classes will actually be interesting this time around. I'm personally betting on Financial Mathematics to be the semester's savoir.

The charges are set, each one placed with great care and consideration. The countdown began with the blade of a wooden sword. Now, all I can do is stand before the wall, the smooth stones of the dry riverbed beneath my feet, waiting. This was my decision, and I will not back down. I'm sick of patching leaks, hoping no-one witnesses the stain of tears flowing over the cold grey surface. I'm sick of broken outflow regulators and stagnating waters.

This drought is leaving me
With cracked soil and brown leaves.
Floating on a dry lake bed
With a dry mouth and a foggy head,
Waiting for the snow.

When the water comes,
I will overflow.
I will overflow.

Silverlight - Fold Zandura

The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:

Opening song: Ain't It the Life? - Foo Fighters

Waking up: Lonely Day - Phantom Planet

First date: Man in a Shed - Nick Drake

First kiss: Staralfur - Sigur Ros

Falling in love: Solamente - Mortal

Seeing an old love: My Weakness - Moby

Heartbreak: Feeling Yourself Disintegrate - The Flaming Lips

Driving fast: Low - Foo Fighters

Getting ready to go out: (Today's the Day) I'm Glad I'm Not Dead - Indigo Swing

Partying with friends: Battlestar Scralatchtica - Incubus

Dancing at a club: In the Mood - Glenn Miller

Flirting: Punk Rock Girl - Dead Milkmen

Feeling sexy: You Can't Handle This - Five Iron Frenzy

Walking alone in the rain: Fruit Tree - Nick Drake

Missing someone: To Be by Your Side - Nick Cave

Playing in the ocean: Are You In? - Incubus

Summer vacation: Give It Away - Zero 7

Fighting with someone: Nugget - Cake

Acting goofy with friends: Ceres Walk - The Billy Nayer Show

Thinking back: A Way of Life - Hans Zimmer

Feeling depressed: No Surprises - Radiohead

Christmas time: The Magic Of - Joy Electric

Falling asleep: Marine - Fold Zandura

Closing song: The Canyon Behind Her - Dredg


Take The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

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Not as cool as the 21-track soundtrack Melissa had me contrive, but fun nonetheless.

NP: Highest Gander - Robert Wyatt

You Know You're From Colorado When...

People move onto the highway at 15 miles an hour. You have absolutely no recognizable accent. If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it "muggy". You only go to Central City when friends are in from out of town. You have been skiing less than 10 times in your life You think 5-points is a ghetto. You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed. You say things like "I don't care how big Golden is, it's still a one-horse town". You think only stupid people get lost in your town. When giving directions, you never say "Turn left, turn right", it's always go West, then South. During a thunderstorm you wonder "which I-25 underpass is flooding". You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months. If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle. You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation. You have a broken windshield. You see no reason to travel to Aurora. The only RTD bus you've been on is the 16th Street shuttle. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car. You thought "Californication" would be banned by Amendment 2. You think "South Park" is a place to stop for gas on your way to Buena Vista. You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a McDonald's in Vail. You have a flat tire in your refrigerator and your garage. You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna. You cast out your fishing line while white-water rafting. You've never seen the tourist attractions in your own city. You think a pass does not involve a football or a woman. You are 82 years old and take up snowboarding. Your real Y2K fear was running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix. The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail. You personally wouldn't pay $10 per head to drive up Pikes Peak unless it was the only mountain on earth, but you tell all our house-guests to do it. You get depressed after one day of foggy weather. You think that formal wear is ironed denim. North means "mountains to the left;" south is "mountains to the right;" and east and west are where all those damned liberals keep moving in from. You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky" and you notice the sky is no longer blue. You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks. You see your East Coast relatives now more than when you lived there. You think gun control is a steady hand. You can run up 10 flights of stairs without huffing and puffing. You've stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight. You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means. You're a meat eating vegetarian. You think the major food groups are Boulder Bars, tofu and Fat Tire Beer. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate your local sports team's victory. You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow. You know the correct pronunciation of Buena Vista. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz. Your car insurance costs more than your car. You have surge protectors on every outlet. April showers bring May blizzards. You see someone riding a Harley in a snowstorm, and you look closer to see if it's anyone you know. "Timberline" is someplace you have actually been. Many times. You know what a "Chinook" is. You know what a "rocky mountain oyster" is. You know what a "fourteener" is. But you don't know what a "turn signal" is. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod. People from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange. Thunder has set off your car alarm. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal. "Where we're going, we don't need roads!" You know where Doc Holliday's grave is. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight. Driving directions usually include 'Go over ____ Pass...' You've used "checking for ticks" as an excuse to get someone naked. You've gone skiing in July. You've gone sunbathing in January. They were both in the same year. You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream You know the elevation of a town, but not its population. You never pack away your coat and sweaters. You can name only two people you know who were actually born in Colorado. You call tumbleweed "groundcover". You love your Broncos, your Avs, your Rockies, Nuggets - well you can't have everything. You or someone you know plays golf 12 months of the year. You don't have AC in your home, but you use it in your car all winter long. If it snows in the morning you expect it to be gone by lunchtime. You can name the states that make up the Four Corners. You know what and where the Continental Divide is. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Colorado.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here



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Blogthings

NP: The End of All Things - Howard Shore

I feel as though my insides are going supernova. My mind, my heart, everything within me is in chaos, seeking a way to transcend this existence, this pitiful reality defined by dead wood, dead stones, dead planets. Vision now seems to be through a looking-glass; I don't feel connected, just an observer, a recorder, an alien visitor who understands little of what he sees. But more. It's like my skin will dissolve into pure energy if I let it. My flesh isn't big enough to contain this, but what is it? It is not joy, it is not anger, it is not sorrow, it is not fear. It evades and encompasses such definition. A twisting, crackling rope of pure energy, braided together from both black lightning and white....it's growing still, even as I write this.

Jesus God, what is happening to me?

NP: Jesus Eternal - Fold Zandura

Life lesson B-14 (redux): never go to a shotokan practice when your day's diet consisted of nothing but two glazed donuts and half a can of Sprite. Addendum: mowing the lawn before practice only serves to deplete what energy reserves you do possess.

Bleh.

This milk is reviving me, so all is not lost. My headache is going away. Sleep calls, but I will give it the proverbial finger for at least another four hours.

Nothing else to talk about, so I'll turn this entry over to my empty macaroni plate for a little impromptu musical number. Please stand by.

NP: The Boy Who Never Forgot - Joy Electric

Nein.

I am stronger than this.

Jesus, be the strength in my blade and the courage in my heart.

NP: My Weakness - Moby

Si vanwa na, Romello vanwa Valimar.

Namarie. Nai hiruvalye Valimar.
Nai elye hiruva. Namarie.

NP: Three Hours - Nick Drake

What do YOUR livejournal friends think of you? by broadwayrl
username
favourite color
sex	femalemale
is only your friend because you told them to be	tiny_rodgers
fantasizes about your feet	hollykl
wants you dead	sparrow_aire
thinks your moms HOTT STUFF	kimbelina
wishes they were closer to you	uncleanton
writes songs about you	glitterwontflow
loves you very much	verlicht
misses you	guitartoxic16
wishes they knew you better	halcyonsailor
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Again, these LiveJournral quizzes are causing my poor blog to choke. They always seem to think I'm female (okay, so maybe my hair is a bit long). Also, I put "pale silver" as my favorite color. This seems to spark a conflict of interest, though: Melissa loves me very much, but Vanessa wants me dead.

Cue theme music for Courtesy Wars: Episode V. Stand by, man with dog.

NP: Give It Away - Zero 7

So today has been a good day. I woke up, drank a few ounces of Sprite, showered, went to Big City to turn in my application, ended up sitting outside for a good hour watching traffic (an enjoyable passtime; you should try it), was received well when said application was turned in, received a call from Eagle telling me I can pick up my apartment key tomorrow, and told you all about it in a magnificently-constructed run-on sentence.

Huttah!

Everything is falling into place for the coming year. The locks are turning one by one, the Tetris is shaping up, and every other conceivable analogy pertaining to things working out.

Well, okay, so I haven't even touched that door yet. I need more time, ne? Don't we all?