muj0 (Uncertainty Mix) - Mortal

Today is perfectly resonant. When I walk outside, it's as though the weather and atmosphere are extentions of my spirit. I can move through space in complete harmony with my surroundings. I can almost count every raindrop, every puddle, every cloud.

It's days like today I want to create something beautiful.

Made for TV Movie - Incubus

Don't get me wrong. I love rain. I love watching it. listening to it, smelling it, walking in it. I love watching the lightning and hearing the thunder. I love watching the sky cycle through various hues of grey.

It's just something of an unpleasant thought to consider the rain soaking the seat of your motorscooter as you sit on campus contemplating a 7-mile ride back to a house you're moving out of this weekend.

Blood on the Motorway - DJ Shadow

I reached a decision today. If I have excess money when I'm old and useless, I'm going to pay the writers of the futuristic equivalent of the Simpsons to write a satire of my life. At this point, I honestly don't think it could get any more ironic, so I'd be interested in seeing what they come up with. Maybe they'll add a dancing gecko.

How to Disappear Completely - Radiohead

I gave my second monologue today. Not my best performance by a long shot, but at least I did it. That's the goal right now.

Math quiz coming up in 10 minutes. Focus.

After tomorrow morning, I can relax. Lose myself in something. No more requirements for a little while.

No more of anything for a little while.

Jolene - Cake

Well, that wasn't worth it. I seem to be finding this out more and more this semester.

Having just finished my Asian Civ exam, I realized how completely useless my ridiculous amount of stress was. The test was nothing more than I could handle, and I was adequately prepared. I got worked up over nothing. At this rate, I'm going to give myself ulcers over needing a new eraser for my pencil. Unfortunately, this revelation seems to have come slightly too late. I think I feel myself getting sick again.

I realized also how completely unpleasant it is to have a mosquito bite on the back of one's heel. I get that irritating itching/pain sensation whenever I walk. It's enough to make me want to butcher infant sea anemones.

Off to the student center for a refreshing Immune Booster smoothie!

Fair - Remy Zero

School-related stressors are making me uncharacteristically nihilistic.

I have a ridiculous amount to do in not a lot of time, and I'm freaking out about my Asian Civ midterm tomorrow. It's all so tedious and pointless. Pressure to perform. I'm trying to decide if I feel prepared enough for this exam to go to bed, and the answer is no. But the stress in my system is preventing me from getting any studying done.

What is wrong with me? Why am I so freaked out over something so mundane? Maybe I'm just tired and cranky. Well, I know I'm tired and cranky, but I hope that's the only reason.

Another bad thing: I took a nap today and ended up sleeping through shotokan practice. Not a good thing when you have a kyu examination at 8:45 AM on Saturday.

*twitch*

Highest Gander - Robert Wyatt

Nothing like a fall song to kick off the first day of fall. The appropriateness of my music choice has left me amazed.

School is becoming increasingly irritating. It usually gets that way when midterms begin rolling around. I have a Music Theory quiz tomorrow (or today, I suppose), an Asian Civ midterm Thursday, a Philosophy midterm Tuesday, and an Acting quiz in the undisclosed near future. My disillusionment meter is starting to turn yellow. To make my mood worse, I overslept today, giving myself 20 minutes to make a 15-minute drive and a 5-minute walk to class. This certainly doesn't indicate the commencement of an enjoyable day.

I've been a songwriting fool lately. I've already started on another and am nearly finished with the first verse. I think I've started getting a handle on this business of lyric writing. Next step: music to accompany the lyrics. Of course, if a certain band would give me an audition, I could lend my lyric-writing skills and vocal diversity to their already-impressive array of lyrics and music. Of course, the decision is entirely theirs. Do the right thing, guys.

Reflection - Tool

It's late. I should be sleeping. I'm not sleeping due to hunger and...

Quizilla!


You are Schroeder!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
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What Is Your Animal Personality?
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You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
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You all thinking what I'm thinking?

My Slumbering Heart - Rilo Kiley

McAllister was right. Is right. There indeed exists a wall between my mind and my mouth. Or, in this case, my mind and my fingertips. My heart and my fingertips. My soul.

"The sword and the brush are fundamentally connected. Both seek to make the heart and the hand one."

I think maybe all forms of art could be summed up thus. Music, painting, sculpture, theatre, poetry, calligraphy, prose, shotokan...they all seek to make the divisions between soul and body disappear. To bring unity to the dualistic nature of human existence. We are creatures of both flesh and spirit, and much discord results from disharmony between the two. My understanding of art tells me the artist's goal is to dissolve the inhibitions preventing the flow of inspiration and interpretation from its spring in the heart to the delta of the fingertips. We seek to express ourselves clearly (at least I do), but often are restrained. By what, I'm not entirely sure, even in my own case.

I have some idea, though. I think, most of all, I'm afraid of being less than excellent. I want to produce soild, quality work as an artist, whether it be through music, poetry, prose, or theatre. I want, not necessarily to be the best of the best, but certainly a cut above the average. This isn't out of ego so much as standards. Given my nature, I probably would loathe the sort of attention fame would garner. Rather, I want to make works of lasting value that can reach and inspire my contemporaries and those artists yet to come.

Simply put, I want to excel at what I care about.

Discipline. Discipline is the key. As a beautiful, intelligent, and talented artist once told me, discipline is the difference between mediocrity and excellence. It's just difficult to focus with all the mundane demands on my time. Reading ancient East Indian texts for exams or pushing a four-wheeled chassis over a controlled collection of plant life hardly assist in the perfecting of my arts. Then, of course, the all-powerful dollar comes into play, demanding hours of labor for mere survival.

.......

In a completely unrelated synapse firing, I discovered I'm just a big softie today. Follow the new "Kitties" link on the right for irrefutable evidence.

Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd

Paging through the remains of my scattered thoughts of last semester, I came upon these forgotten song lyrics. I posted them in my LiveJournal a few months ago, but now I give them to you, my non-LJ tetrapeds.

Alley Hopping
My whispers travel up
This plastic conduit of tears
But they'll vanish into grey skies
Long before they reach your ears.

Another pair of eyes
Stares into the vacant skies
Tearing us apart.

Drifting.
Drifting.

It doesn't end like this.
This isn't how the story goes,
But maybe love ends with a kiss
When holding close an azure rose.

Another pair of legs
Bore me down the marble stairs
Through your fleeing ghost.

Drifting.
Drifting.

I know these wilted apple blossoms
Will carry my prayers to heaven's court,
But a western breeze won't let them go,
Not just yet.

Drifting.
Drifting.
***

Looking back at them, I now see a kind of "Chris Carabba listens to Radiohead for the first time" motif going on. Oh well. Post your criticisms anyway.

Mad Into - Fold Zandura

Relativity.

So what do you get when you combine an 8:00 AM history class, a 11:00 AM philosophy class, three hours of Fable, a really messed up play, grocery shopping, and a trademark Colorado half-assed respitory infection?

One of the most boringly bizarre and otherly amusing days of your life.

I went to see Little Shop of Horrors tonight (I love being the guy sitting by himself laughing at odd parts) because I have to write a review for it for Acting I. This play was not the sort of thing to watch when one's thought patterns are distorted just enough to delay any sort of sensory input by 0.25 seconds. I imagine this is what marijuana feels like without the fascinating insights into the physical world. The show's nonsequitor plotline, musical numbers, and polarized production left me sans coherant thought for the rest of the evening (including right now; I'm feeling the room spin as I write this).

Then, the grocery shopping. I needed a total of seven items. It took me 45 minutes to locate said items. I got turned around and then needed to use the facilities. My incessant sniffing let most customers and all employees present to believe or suspect an addiction to cocaine, and I had trouble making sense to the cashier.

Wow. Even with my eyes closed, it feels like I'm on the Tilt-a-Whirl. Which is actually a pretty sweet deal: free ride.

Wheeeeeee!

M.I.A. - Foo Fighters

Now that I'm reasonably sure you're all sick to your stomachs, I can return to normal blog updates. After all, it is the God-given right of all newly-found lovers to schmoop all over everything they touch for the first week.

Bah, a curse on the good-smelling food in the immediate vicinity. It's making me impatient for the pure visceral pleasure of the giant pretzel I'm to consume in the near future.

It is at this time I would again like to declare my undying love for mass-produced education. I had a pop quiz in Asian Civ today, which consisted of 23 "circle the correct answer of these two choices," most of which were ridiculously easy. Example: Nebuchadnezzar was famous for building the ______(Pyramids/Hanging Gardens) of Babylon.

"As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless fact long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations."

Oh well. At least I'm getting a sweet, sugary glaze lightly spread over the entire surface of my mind. Yummy.

How Lucky Can One Guy Be? - Indigo Swing

I mean, really?

I'm Your Boy - Joy Electric

The joy and honor are truly peerless, Emi-chan.

If only all kamikaze could be reborn into such a beautiful world.

I long to give it words, but only fail.

Doomo arigato gozaimasu, Okami-sama.

Such Great Heights - Iron and Wine

It seems I will never voice what truly lies in my heart. The sword of tempus lies now in the hand of logos, ever barring expression from forming itself on empty pages. Words are so crude, a wall against the advent of understanding, a prison for the streams of colored light radiated by the human heart. What words there were have already been said by you, my love.

Yay for Iron and Wine covering Postal Service songs.

Let Go - Frou Frou

I got my anime yesterday and watched the entire Hellsing series tonight. I also got Rah-Xephon but will save that for the weekend. Huttah for cheap anime!

Disappointing news: my parents won't be coming back until the last week of September, which means at least two more full weeks of early morning traffic and pissing off three-testicled F-150 owners with my 37 mph top speed. Maybe I can take the air mattress over there for Monday and Wednesday nights. Of course, there remains the problem of my misplaced shower curtain. Curses on Mom's obsessive re-arrranging of my stuff.

Oh, I added more links under the "Constructs" section. I highly recommend visiting Orisinal. They have simple flash games that will set your mind at ease regardless of what troubles you.

Um.....anyone know how to install a laptop keyboard?

P	Philosophical
E	Enjoyable
T	Twisted
E	Enchanting
R	Rare

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
I'd be more flattered by this if it dished out pejoratives as well.

Mr. Knowitall - Primus

I feel as though I'm sucking on an empty bottle, striving in vain to pull another gallon of the finest wine from its cavernous recesses. Despite the fact the bottle never contained anything but sour milk, I somehow believe I can tap untold riches if I only try hard enough.

What is it I fear? Mediocrity? Ridicule? Failure? Methinks it's all of the above. Still, I don't think fear is a sufficient cause for my notable lack in this. I also seem to have a fatal case of ineptitude.

I can't tell if this upward limit is merely the door to the next world or the limit of my universe. I yearn so badly to break through it, but have no idea how. I can't tell if it's merely desire or if I'm actually pushing against the limits of my existence.

"Come further up and further in."

Simplicity. Less is more. The pebble contains the entire world if you only look close enough.

Tell it to Beethoven. Tell it to Drake.

Ai, understanding.

I let assholes bother me way more than I should.

Orestes - A Perfect Circle

My spacebar bit it completely, so I had to order a new keyboard from HP. It should be here in 3-4 business days. As fate would have it, my warranty expired last month.

You're probably wondering (I know I am) how I'm managing to type this. My parents' machine is still pleasantly virus-free and Internet-capable, so it is here I will remain as much as possible until the keyboard comes in. Of course, then I must set about installing it. Would that Joe was still in-country.

Life doesn't have any horns. I hereby discredit whatever pundit first came up with the idea. Life has no horns, no handles, no safety bars, no rails, no helmets, nothing. You just get on and ride as far as you can before you fall off.

No, I don't really believe that. I think I need a nap.

My parents need to move back here soon. I want to move into my apartment, which is conveniently located mere seconds from campus and mere minutes from my friends. Damn this living on the southeast side of town.

Nocturne in F# Op 15 No 2 - Chopin

I hate having 12 pairs of black socks and 1 pair of dark navy blue socks.

Only four days of classes this week. Bloody system has me so well trained. Patrick and I thought of a way out, though. We're moving to England and becoming lighthouse operators.

I'd write more, but my spacebar has malfunctioned, so typing is now quite a chore.

The Thoughts of Mary Jane - Nick Drake

I find refuge in the pockets of doubt residing deep within the minds of persons, pockets I sometimes create with my own breath.

Just a little longer.

Nice to Know You - Incubus

Your Starship Crew by darqholme
Username
Favorite Captain	ArcherKirkPicardSiskoJanewayMatson
Favorite Starship
First Officer	platypi007
Doctor	uncleanton
Counselor	hollykl
Helmsman	yardenxanthe
Security/Tactical	tiny_rodgers
Chief Engineer	sethfstuder
Love Interest	verlicht
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I should really e-mail these people and tell them to stop dishing out broken code. Anyway, to correct the standards, I put "Picard" and "NCC-1701-D." Nick, I'm calling you Number One from now on.