Alone & Easy Target - Foo Fighters

There was a fire at work today in one of the apartments. No immediate danger to the dining facility, so we just kept the doors shut with all the residents inside until the fire department gave us the all-clear. The problem was the terrible response time of the FCFD: 15 minutes. Our honored elders were forced to endure 15 minutes of screeching fire alarms. Not having any set procedures to follow, the dining crew retreated to the walk-in refridgerator (where it was mercifully un-loud) to eat our supper. Nobody was hurt, and life at Good Samaritan returned to normal after the FD gave the all-clear.

Looking forward to a great weekend. I'm working Friday through Sunday and feel myself becoming ill. Yes, I know staying up until 4:30 AM blogging isn't the best for ill-bitten folks such as myself, but screw it and you and Dennis Rodman. Actually, no, nevermind. Bad image.

I changed two of the lines in Scarlet Stains. I think they flow better now.

Damn, now I can't remember the other memory I was inclined to share with you, my ever-faithful blog-readers. I place the blame squarely on fatigue, illness, and Dave Grohl. Apparently, my lists are coming in trios tonight. So, in keeping with tradition, I shall now stop typing to leave, go, and depart. Good night.

There There (The Boney King of Nowhere) - Radiohead

Merry Christmas Eve, everybody.

There, I said it. I'm a fucking conformist. Now lock me up and execute me forthwith. But, please, before you throw the switch, read a list of my crimes. I want to be reminded of all my failures so I can make sure Minos doesn't miss any.

Two small indentations will always bear silent testimony to this.

I left my fingerprints on a single snowflake to mark my way home, but when I returned to the place, I found only the remains of a searing blue flame. I guess my touch was too loathsome to bear.

Does anybody feel this way?
Does anybody feel like I do?

My fingers are growing cold. They might fall off soon, but I can't feel them, anyway.

If they hadn't sung me to sleep every night, would this God-forsaken curse still be in my blood?

When did my eyes grow dark?

Bleeder - Mortal

I don't understand myself at all.

Sitting here in this cold basement, listening to dark music under a clouded winter sky, haunted daily by shades of my past failures, I somehow can't stop believing.

Believing what?

I'm not sure, really. But that's not the point. The point is, from a logical standpoint, I shouldn't be believing. Einstein would say I'm certifiably insane, and I'd agree with him.

Demo, utsukushii arimasu.

Maybe that's what I can't release.

Scarlet Stains

Scarlet stains your silver tresses
Running through your sable dresses
Purified by cleansing floods,
Combed by fingers dipped in blood.

Raise your fingers to my lips.
Taste the steel in their tips.
Run your tongue along the blade.
Watch the glimmer slowly fade.

Holding up the fragile names
Held within their aging frames.
March atop the rounded stones
In step with your spotless clones.

Cheeks will blush a baby blue,
Never having thought it through.
Frozen hands and frozen bones
Fashion cemetery stones.
***

I'm not sure if this is a poem or a song, but there it is.

Aqueous Transmission - Incubus

Conversation from the universe:

"Why doesn't anything in this world go right anymore?"
"Did it ever?"
"...Good point."

Sober - Tool

Yes, my labyrinthian thought processes lead me to that brilliant conclusion last night. It just seemed fitting. Though, I suppose from the perspective of a literalist, "Damn me" would've been nearer the mark. Yet, in our culture, "damn" carries far less power than "fuck," and being the epitome of cultural awareness I am, I chose the latter.

So Kara (the girl featured in my post about RMHS's art show) has a boyfriend. A fact she neglected to tell me. Did it slip her mind? Is she too nice to say such things? Was she playing me? I don't know, and neither do you. All I know is, by all the signs I was given, she was into me. Guess not.

My track record just keeps getting better.

On a nearly unrelated sidenote, the mix I made for Tori has been eaten by Roxio. This I do not appreciate. I am forced to resurrect it now, hopefully to a longer life. I rarely come across a girl with such impeccable taste in music, so I spent an entire history class on this mix. The resurrection must take place soon, though, as she works Tuesday and I Monday.

I need to stop working with cute brown-eyed emo girls who have boyfriends.

Oh, fuck me.

Untitled Ambient Noise - Patrick Hollen

I shall make you read and suffer.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
Left the country.

2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I resolved to mock drunk high schoolers more often, but I failed.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
The imaginary kingdom of Frants.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
Musical ability.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 26 because it was the decision gate.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making it through with any semblance of normal human emotion left.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Something.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing outside your standard headcold.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Yamaha DTXPRESS III Special.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Joe, Patrick, Ryan, Valerie, Kara

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine.

14. Where did most of your money go?
School.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Changing my major to Music Education.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
All We Have Is Now - The Flaming Lips

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder.
b) thinner or fatter? About the same.
c) richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Music.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Pining.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Working.

21. What LJ users did you meet for the first time?
Andy Rodgers.

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Yes.

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Probably Family Guy.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.

26. What was the best book you read?
The Things They Carried - Tim O'Brien.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Way too many to list.

28. What did you want and get?
A kiss.

29. What did you want and not get?
Absolution.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Either Kill Bill Vol. II or Hero.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 20. I don't remember.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Making a quality album.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Cynically utilitarian.

34. What kept you sane?
I have no idea.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Maynard.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
That one.

37. Who did you miss?
Them. And her.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Either Tori or Kara.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
Life can fuck you over and give no apologies.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I've become just like a terrible mess, searching the lines in my face for something more beautiful than is there."

Nossa Senhora, this has been a long year.

Smile Lines - Incubus

See, kids, there are certain advantages to a) working with Si and b) going to Alley Cat to work on homework.

I shall expand upon A first, conforming with most of the other users of this lettering system (fun with prepositions!). I worked with Si tonight, and he offered to work for me tomorrow night. The benefit of this is two-fold. Firstly, tomorrow night is the Christmas party at Good Sam, which means much extra headache and work. Headache + more work = irritable emo kid. Well, moreso than usual, anyway. But Si is working for me tomorrow, so no worries. The second fold of benefit will be revealed with letter number B.

(The numbers of the alphabet....)

Bee: Tomorrow evening, I shall be arriving at Rocky Mountain High School's AP Studio Art Exhibition promptly at 6:00 in the PM.

"But, Peter, that's not special enough to get its own letter. It should've been called Asub1 or 'I like wasting blog space.'"
"Patience, dear reader. Just listen whilst I continue."

The reason I felt this was deserving of its own subcategorization is as follows: I shan't be arriving alone. Better yet, my companion is of the female persuasion. Still better yet, she doesn't exactly hate me.

That's right, kids. Everybody's least favorite emo kid has managed to embrangle a poor, unsuspecting girl into attending an art event with him. It took a long time, but this is solid evidence that hard work pays off.

"Yeah, Peter, I don't care about your love life, or *like* life as the case may be. Just explain what this has to do with going to Alley Cat."
"Very well, dear reader. I shall indulge your request."

I came to Alley Cat at around 9:00 to do my paper and study for my acting final. When I got online, lo! a unknown user IM'd me. The person on the other end of the digital tin can was none other than her.

So we talked.

For six hours.

At the end of said six hours, I inquired whether she was going to the art exposition (it's existence having been announced on CSU's forums, whence said girl hails). She said she'd like to.

The rest, as they say, is speculation.

We Laugh Indoors - Death Cab for Cutie

Yes, it's 2:14 AM and I'm still at the Hollen residence. All the Hollens are asleep, but I'm a shameless squatter.

Late nights make me think sometimes. Tonight, I thought about stuff. In keeping with my narcissim, I thought about my existence.

But none of you care what I think about myself.

I am such a baby.

Fruit Tree - Nick Drake

You are a Russian.


What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

My German ancestors are spinning in their graves...

In other news, I think I finally ascertained the cause behind the colossal amounts of energy I talked about in my previous entry. I think my spirit knows there's more to life than what I'm experiencing right now, and it's pushing against the restraints of the mundane patterns I hold it in. Now, the problem is simply one of breaking through these walls. Unfortunately, the simple things are always hard. Yes, you can quote Murphy on that one.

Oh, an official BTW: if you guys can't think of anything deep or meaningful to say about the lyrics I post, at least give a thumbs up or thumbs down. I like to know my work is being critiqued.

Undertow - Tool

Do any of you ever get that feeling that the music you're listening to is completely insufficient to express what you feel? I'm sitting here, agreeing with everything this song says and feels, but I still feel a strain on my soul. I've been feeling it more and more lately, and I know I've mentioned it here before. But, purely to soothe my narcissism, I shall tell you all again. I shall tell you how imprisoned I feel in this flesh, how I long to unharness the power of my spirit. The strain already threatens to tear me asunder. For those fans of Final Fantasy IX, I imagine I'm feeling something akin to what induces Trance, save I can't actually erupt into an uber-powerful form. Still, I feel as though something needs to erupt. If I knew what, it would help. Maybe the arrival of my drum set will alleviate some of this stress, if only temporarily.

I want to know what is causing this, though. I have all this energy boiling beneath the surface, awaiting only a single catalyst to release it from its restraints. Knowing this, I have to tread carefully. I fear the results if the wrong trigger is tripped. It's more than just water being held back by a dam now; I'm a can of shaving cream left in the sun. There's more to my existence than I'm living right now, and I want to know what it is. I want to identify the source of this so I might better understand how to channel it.

The ultima is being forged anew. Perhaps then it will shine as was intended by the swordsmith. Things will change. New paths will unfold before me, new challenges will appear on the horizon, new companions will cross my path, and new facets will appear on the surface of my spirit.

Still, I can't help fearing the possibility of some things being made only to be broken.

My Baby Comes 'Round at 8 - Indigo Swing

You are 40% Taurus

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

Pedestal Shadows

More new lyrics.

***
Push your tiny teeth.
Bleed your plastic gums.
The rock will yield your desire.
Just keep pushing.

Above you now I hang,
A monument to your failures.
You crucify me
And I
Am indifferent.

I am your ecstasy.

Shrink beneath our gaze.
You will raise our banners
And proclaim
Our endless reign in your eyes.

Above you now we stand,
A mausoleum of your hope.
We crucify you
And we
Are indifferent.

We are your ecstasy.
We are your envy.

Reach for the sky.
Though you may try,
Frustration will be
Your only legacy.

You are the mediocrity.
You are the mediocrity.

We are your ecstasy.
We are your ecstasy.
***

The title isn't permanent, by the way.

Paradigm Shift - Mortal

I just learned my next and last history exam will be more difficult due to his not posting study topics. Fortunately, we don't have as much material, as the exam will only cover 8 or so class periods plus the Chinese novel Monkey. All I have to get is a 75% or higher on the exam, though, so it should prove a moot point.

By the way, you people are all mean. Nobody gave me feedback on my lyrics. Please, decry and destroy them.