Sanzen - Dredg

Entering Week the Second of this marvelous illness, I find myself growing more and more impatient with the tormentingly tangible advent of spring. Because after spring comes summer, and summer means a slackening in my schedule. It also means less likelihood of illness.

So somebody remind me why this college thing is worth it.

I finished Dark Tower III. I found it amusing he called the book The Wastelands though they didn't reach the Drawers until the final 20 pages or so. The illustrations were not nearly as good in this one. My personal favorite was the one of Roland firing his gun with nothing in the background but 80's dance club lights. I also find it interesting that King used all caps to denote Big Blaine's speech, even when the context said he was speaking with a soft, almost human quality. Of course, one can't expect too much from a degenerate supercomputer that enjoys making midgets hang each other.

Silent Return - Virus

So, after a month of valiant, disorganized, and largely useless struggle, my immune system has finally given way to the master of the climate. No longer content with mere colds, I have now contracted the ever-popular influenza. I know, I'm a sellout.

Sorry for bailing out on you guys Saturday night. I received a call from the local ghost-hunting team telling me they found something in a previously-inactive area, so naturally I had to go check it out. If you're still raw about it this weekend, I'll tell you exactly what I saw. Yes, there was indeed a ghost, one some of you might have recognized.

You know, fevers do really weird things to my head. It's like some sort of mild drug trip without any of the pleasant sensations and a healthy amount of unpleasant situations.

So should I launch into my semi-delirious rant posting which will end up revealing more about myself than I ever wanted posted online?

Maybe I'll just marvel at the fact that a black woman with no legs let herself get raped by a demon so a ex-heroin addict and a one-handed gunslinger could pull an 11-year-old boy through a door in the ground so he could avoid getting eaten by a large, malicious house.

and then, came then - The Chariot

You gently kissed the top of my head, pressing your lips into the soft mass of brown curls tumbling down in disarray across my closed eyelids. The warmth of your breath sent strange goosebumps rippling over my forearms. My breath had departed for the instant, its presence no longer disturbing the solid space surrounding us.

My face was enveloped in shadow, the solitary flame of light illuminating my bowed shoulders, bent spine, and rubber soles. Your eyes reveled in the brilliant glow, throwing back fragments of light in a rainbow of colors. The reflection from the gleaming blade cast an jagged, eerie image across your left eye, as if you bore a scar inflicted by a dagger of coherent light. Your smile, however, bore no sign of pain or malice, only sincere adoration.

Your hands rested on my shoulders, mere inches from the river of life flowing below the surface of my neck's skin. Your fingertips moved with the rhythm of my pulse. Having surrendered my soul into your hands, I drank deep reassurance from your gentle touch, your tender words. I willfully lost myself in the liquid opals of your eyes, trusting to lose all other vision in favor of your promise.

Creeping across the floor and up the wall behind you, your shadow's decision had already been made.

Difference of Vengeance and Wrongs - Misery Signals

Nothing exists outside these walls except amber lights floating in a sea of black oblivion.

I can feel myself sinking again. My body is too finely tuned to my spirit for its own good, but at least it's finally succeeded in getting the message through. Yes, I'm sick yet again. While this is physically due to 11 hours of work on 4 hours of sleep, I'm beginning to realize simple fatigue isn't the only cause.

I think my body is shutting itself down.

This has happened before, around the time I moved to Windsor. Though I wasn't getting sick at the rate of once a week (due to my utter lack of contact with other humans), my appetite dropped off sharply, thus producing the 20-pound reduction in my weight over the next few months. This time around, however, things aren't so easy. All because of this God-damned system, this method of working ourselves to exhaustion for nothing.

I won't get to bed until 2:30 at the absolute earliest. I must be up by 9:00 at the latest. My day will run from 10:00 AM to 8:30 PM with only an hour break. I'm going to fail my voice solo once more due to illness, I'm going to fail my percussion exam Tuesday due to lack of mental coherence (another side effect of illness). I have two quizzes in Health & Wellness due tomorrow at 2:00. I work a three-hour shift at a lifeless, routine, corporate job.

And you know what? It can all go to hell in a flaming ball of shit for all I care.

.......

Comrade, if you're still reading this, if you still remember my name, please forgive me for failing you. All I ever wanted was to deserve you.

Die Interviewer (I Am Only Speaking in German) - The Chariot

"Peter, your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You have a deeply-rooted desire to make peace in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with loved ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to be able to influence the world in a positive way.

You have a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it, and you inspire others to feel the same way. Your innate drive toward peace guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others. "

All this from Tickle's Inkblot Test. This result is rather surprising if you consider I was listening to The Chariot and Norma Jean during most of the taking.

Minerva - Deftones

For some reason, the bagel I'm currently eating is unusually good.

So I've been looking at motorcycles because I've decided that I need to flaunt my pimpness more aptly. What do all pimps do? If you answered, "Drive really expensive cars," you'd be right. Thus, buying a cheap, used motorcycle will put me on the path of the pimp legend. But, I'm having difficult deciding on the type of bikemobile to obtain. So, all of you go here and tell me what to get.

A nice Chinese lady just gave me a small packet with a smiling lima bean in a ball cap, blue shorts, and green curly shoes on it. Happy Chinese New Year!

I spent an hour in the dungeon (read: basement of the music building) practicing the C-major scale on the marimba. Oddly enough, this is the most difficult scale on the instrument, as succesive white-key notes require a lot of difficult cross-sticking. My department head for symphonic band wants me to take the snare for the march we're playing, which intimidates me somewhat. The part is fairly complex, fast, and vital to the piece. Considering I've had all of two lessons on snare technique thus far, I feel vastly underqualified to take this on.

Flee!

Crawl Away - Tool

My technology is crumbling around me.

Item the first: my car's sound system. The CD player won't even play the (brand new) lens cleaner CD. Options? Replacement. Also, the speakers are starting to buzz rather badly. Options? Replacement.

Item the second: my crappy HP laptop. The headphone jack is shorting out, giving me right channel only about 40% of the time, and it's worsening. A repair job will probably cost around $100.

Item the third: my poor little scooter. She's taken the winter hard, which is all my fault. Her electric starter doesn't work, her headlight is growing dim, and the headlight cowling is damaged. Duke wants to buy her off me as-is, but I don't want to sell him a damaged piece of equipment. Plus, I probably won't part with her until summer, when I can get my motorcycle license and another bike. My parking permit doesn't expire until July, anyway.

Item the fourth: my car's tachometer. This is nothing serious and actually quite amusing. For no reason whatsoever, the tach will spaz, going from 1,000 to 8,000 RPM. Then, it will drop off completely. It will repeat this cycle several times per drive.

Item the end.

The Noose - A Perfect Circle

Blood.

That's all these hands can draw.

Tears and starlight are the only languages I understand anymore.

Triangle - Dredg

There's something unusually amusing about listening to a march tune on the classical radio station while driving slowly through campus during the early morning influx of students.

My lit prof is handing back a quiz I never took. Leave it to my luck to miss one day due to illness and lose a quiz grade for it. It was most likely a very simple quiz, too, as it was over A Midsummer Night's Dream. Definitely not one of Shakespeare's more difficult plays.

I have to sing a solo today in voice class. For all my voluntary singing around campus and in the car (much to the chagrin of all within earshot), I'm scared as hell to actually stand in front of people with no other purpose but to sing. The bloody thing is outside my range, too. Treble D = bad for me. Still, if this class can improve my singing ability, I'm willing to endure any amount of humiliation.

Some random people came by my house last night selling magazines. Rather than refuse them outright, I cut them checks I'm going to cancel. Call me a sadist, but I wanted their little sign on the door, as it wards future solicitors from crashing my crib, yo.

The Panda is calling my name. Have I the power to resist her expensive call?